of bunga telur and bally shoes

Me : I took our sijil kursus kahwin just now.
HR : Oh, thanks. Where is it?
Me : It's with me. I'm keeping it.
HR : Why? I'll try not to lose it.
Me : I'm keeping it. Just so that you can't marry someone else.
HR: I can just attend another one.
Me : Yeah, you can. But you'll be busy and it will be more expensive than this one.
HR : I bet next year IPBA will provide another cheap kursus kahwin for the juniors. I'll attend then. Still cheaper.
Me : Ni, memang nak kawen ngan orang lain la? (Tone changed)
HR : Eh, takdela.. Jom pi makan, jom.. (chuckling)


p/s: I just put our sijil someplace safe.

and they say to love is to let go

A friend once asked me how can I be so ignorant and not care about stuff? She mentioned that I once admitted to her that one of my biggest weaknesses is I have too high degree of empathy. She noticed the contradictory in my statement and my behaviour.

Though the question came as a shock to me, I know she meant well. She was just curious seeing me being too carefree despite all the issues that we were facing that time. The question did help me to better understand myself.

After some soul searching, I told her that I am a selective thinker. I just put my mind on certain thing at one time. Neglecting some issues to be dealt later. I only think about what is necessary for me and ignore completely stuff that doesn't bother me (or stuff that I pretend not to bother me).

It works well for me.

I compartmentalize my thinking. I select them accordingly.

Being me, an over-planner that have high degree of empathy and intrapersonal being, I can't breathe if I keep on thinking on various issues. It would consume me. So, I opt to not think about them. Ignoring it.

If I let myself be, I would keep on thinking and thinking too much and replaying the issues in my head. I would be trapped in my own mind and thinking.

I acknowledge that this is not the healthiest way. But this is how I manage myself to prevent (is unavoidable) turning more bipolar than I already am.

Oh, yes. I am always ignoring you.

Surprise surprise

Suddenly decided to come home last nite. Great decision as we suddenly concluded to celebrate abah's birthday. It's a future birthday celebration since his real birthday is on the 30th of May.

A small celebration among the family. Just us and McDonalds. Any excuse for midnite snack paid my greatest brother in the world.

Since it is so sudden, we dont have much decoration. Plus, not much materials at home.

After some time of waiting, he finally came home. And we surprised him with a special gift from all of us.

That sure made him smile despite his tiredness.

I've come up with this idea to buy him guitar last year when he visited me in Auckland. He played with HR's guitar during his stay. I was surprised since I never knew he could play guitar. My suggestion was agreed by my family and with HR's help we bought him one.

Admiring his guitar. He sure loves it. Other pictures are censored of course. Mind you, it's a midnite celebration.

Dearest Abah,

Happy Birthday Abah.

May all your wishes come true.

Hope you can play all your favourite songs for us soon.

Love always,

Nina

I ain't wearing no halo on me

I know that if I put my hopes up too high, it might be crushed into pieces. Small tiny picees. I know that. But, I do it still. I'm just hopeless like that.

Just like the book that I wanted so much. The Ice Cream Girls. I bought it. Read it. Don't like it much. I'm not sure if it's because the book just sucks or it's me being to hopeful and it doesn't fulfill my vision of greatness.

I am keen to watch Eclipse m0vie. Can't hardly wait. It's supposed to come out on the 30th of June. And I can't wait to see Jacob. Can't wait that I watch the trailer everyday. EVERYDAY. I put the trailers and spoilers (notice the -s, yup, it's plural) in my iPod to ensure he is always near. I'm so afraid that my high expectations might be crushed.

Don't put anyone on a pedestal. Especially me.



p/s: When I asked HR if he prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf, he said a vampire would be great. He didn't think he would look good with fur so thick. Plus he wanted to suck the blood of all the bad people in the prison, so he'll be a good vampire, he thinks.

Oh, its you.

I love to curl up in my bed reading good book. I can stay curl up forever given the book has great storyline, cute cover and funny characteristics.

Reading book before sleeps is also one of my favourite thing. It gives me a good dream and makes me fell asleep faster.

My issue is if the book is superb, I can finish it within a few hours. I would stay up all night and neglect everything else in the world, just for the book.

I don't like that it can only last a few hours. I want it to be forever and ever.

Good books are hard to find. Expensive especially. I always have to ensure the book lasted a few days to make my money worth it.

If I don't like the book, it will last longer. I will fall asleep and it would serve the purpose of reading before bed time.

I want cheaper good books. Lotsa them.

I wish

I wish the sun never stop shining
But I'm sick of sweating

I wish the leaves never stop falling
But it requires a lot of sweeping

I wish the snow never stop dropping
But it makes unpleasant driving

I wish the flowers never stop blooming
But they bring bees that never stop stinging

I wish the season changes from summer to autumn to winter to spring
But I will never stop complaining.


p/s: Happy Birthday Arifah.

I am blessed

I am a major weeper. I weep at every single thing. Be it a movie or a book or some random incident in the supermarket. I have such a sensitive heart. Really, I must have the cleanest eyes.

I cried over The Amazing Race the other day. I just randomly flicking the channel and decided to watch the one episode. It was the last one (only three couple left) and I only watched for the last 15 minutes. I cried when the couple won. I never watch it before, I really don't know them and I cried. Lame oh lame. Though I wipe my tears as fast as I can to avoid any further accusations of lameness (both my brother and father were at the scene, mind you).

My tears did not stop flowing when I was reading Eclipse (by Stephanie Meyer). How lame is that? I read the book for the third time and my tears are always there with me. Though I think I was able to disguise the tears with my roommates around.

I thought I can blame it on the hormones. Nope, it wasn't it. It's just me. Me, me, me and me. The ever-cool-intrapersonal-skill that I am fortunate to have.

I think I am developing bipolar if I keep on continuing these randoms weeping. Then again, I think I already have it.

Need to always remind self to smile and be happy.

I am in each lovely thing

Encountered this poem the other night. I thought it was nicely written. The poem last line is superb.


Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Mary Frye