Thursday, June 24

Blowing the candles in style

None of us think that we like to be treated like a child. Especially at the age of early twenties. When all the options come knocking our doors. Most of us feel very much adult-like at that age. Very much capable of making own decisions and mistakes. Especially when we are used to being independent when studying abroad.

I used to be furious when my mom treat me like a child. Telling me what to wear, who to be nice to, when to speak, when to go out or how to react. It felt like I'm in no control over my own life. My life need to follow her way of thinking. It did not feel fair when she herself got married at that young age. I rebelled, of course, in my own way.

Truthfully, I am scared.
Making my own decisions. Making my own mistakes. There's no one to fall to.

I don't like handling family issues - that requires me to stand on my own two feet. I hate thinking what to cook. I hate it when I have to see doctor on my own. I really don't know how to talk to doctors or what to tell them. I hate choosing home decoration. I never know how to talk to old relatives on my own. I don't know how to choose chicken in supermarket. I really don't know what to say to tailor when making my baju kurung.

In that sense, I prefer to be a child. Forever. No responsibilities.
In that sense, I love my over-protective mom guiding me through and through.
In that sense, I never want to grow up.

Yesterday, I celebrated my 23rd birthday. With loved ones.

My wish this year is to always to be a child in my mom eyes. For her to always be there for me and protect me no matter what. For her to never stop guiding and teaching me despite my rebel mood and grunts.

Thanks mama for giving birth to a 'healthy' girl like me.
Thanks abah for everything.

p/s: When my mom wished me the other day, she said to get married at 24. Yipppeee!!

Monday, June 21

Hopefully not

Here is my brother's life philosophies on ranking of who you should hit in accident. The smaller the number is, the least possible you should hit your car with.

5. A pole
4. A stranger's car
3. A stranger's motorcycle
2. A pedestrian
1. Your own car

Mind you, hitting your own car with your other car is pretty stupid. And he knew it because he have done it and he had to pay the cost for both cars.

Thursday, June 17

Cookie Monster is coming

HR just announced to me that Usher is coming to Malaysia this July. He was expecting me to jump up and down in joy and say something like, "Oh my gosh! Let's go!!". But I did not.

I do like him. I like his voice. His song. His move. Him. Just him.

But, no! I don't like going to crowded places. Especially if it is expensive. Which I know it is.

He was saying, "But you like him!" I kept saying, "Yeah. I do. So?"

Maybe I'll go if it's free. But what happen if my future students saw me jumping and salivating over the hot bod? Will they still respect me and do their homework? Oh, man.

Not giving up, HR stated that Sesame Street is coming to town as well. He said, "There will be Elmo."

I amused him by asking the ticket price which he did find out for me.

Friday, June 11

kuning dan hitam

Pagi tadi pergi Maybank lagi. Dah tiga hari berturut-turut pergi sana. Membuat urusan-urusan memeningkan. Akak-akak kaunter tersebut memang dah kenal sangat dah.
Bukan mau sangat pun ke sana, tapi kerana inefisiennye mereka tersebut, maka memangla lebih memeningkan. Orang nak kasik duet kat awak pun, awak banyak songeh. Leceh la.
Aku memang dah cam akak/abang bank mana yang malas, yang gediks, yang kedekut kudrat, yang extra ramah, yang selsema tak baik-baik lepas 3 hari (tapi datang gak kerja), yang rabun tapi malas pakai spek, yang cakap kencang kerja haprak dll.
Tapi hari ni mood aku lift up sket sebab aku dapat hadiah dari Maybank. Tetiba je kat kaunter tengah tunggu dia cop sana sini, akak tu dtg kasik satu bungkusan ada riben kat aku. Tercengang sekejap. Dia kata sebab aku pakai tudung kuning dan baju seluar hitam. Bangga sekejap aku.
Oh, gembiranya..
p/s: Kalo datang bank waktu dekat ngan lunch hour, dia layan ala kadar je, sebab dia nak kejar waktu break dia.

of bunga telur and bally shoes

Me : I took our sijil kursus kahwin just now.
HR : Oh, thanks. Where is it?
Me : It's with me. I'm keeping it.
HR : Why? I'll try not to lose it.
Me : I'm keeping it. Just so that you can't marry someone else.
HR: I can just attend another one.
Me : Yeah, you can. But you'll be busy and it will be more expensive than this one.
HR : I bet next year IPBA will provide another cheap kursus kahwin for the juniors. I'll attend then. Still cheaper.
Me : Ni, memang nak kawen ngan orang lain la? (Tone changed)
HR : Eh, takdela.. Jom pi makan, jom.. (chuckling)

p/s: I just put our sijil someplace safe.

Wednesday, June 2

and they say to love is to let go

A friend once asked me how can I be so ignorant and not care about stuff? She mentioned that I once admitted to her that one of my biggest weaknesses is I have too high degree of empathy. She noticed the contradictory in my statement and my behaviour.

Though the question came as a shock to me, I know she meant well. She was just curious seeing me being too carefree despite all the issues that we were facing that time. The question did help me to better understand myself.

After some soul searching, I told her that I am a selective thinker. I just put my mind on certain thing at one time. Neglecting some issues to be dealt later. I only think about what is necessary for me and ignore completely stuff that doesn't bother me (or stuff that I pretend not to bother me).

It works well for me.

I compartmentalize my thinking. I select them accordingly.

Being me, an over-planner that have high degree of empathy and intrapersonal being, I can't breathe if I keep on thinking on various issues. It would consume me. So, I opt to not think about them. Ignoring it.

If I let myself be, I would keep on thinking and thinking too much and replaying the issues in my head. I would be trapped in my own mind and thinking.

I acknowledge that this is not the healthiest way. But this is how I manage myself to prevent (is unavoidable) turning more bipolar than I already am.

Oh, yes. I am always ignoring you.