Friday, January 30

Usaha Tangga Kejayaan

Setelah kali sejuta menerima emel berbunyi
' regret to inform that on this occasion your application has been unsuccessful',
aku givap.


Sekarang, apa yang aku mau, HR pulang sini.
Dia cari kerja cepat2.
Dia kerja banyak2.
aku pow duet dia.

Itu saja.

Aku sudah givap.

p/s: post sebelum ni, nak alone la hapa la. Ni nak HR balik. Poorah Dzeti~


Just this morning, one of my friends asked for my help. She needed to pick up some stuff that she bought on TradeMe. They decided to meet at Hobson St.

At first I was like, meet up at Hobson St, still need me ka? Like so near and you can just t ake free bus? She said she didnt know Hobson St that well and I had lived there before (now, I lived on Queen St) so, I might know the place better. I was like, no biggie. Not that I have anything to do. (Urgh, I do have an assignment due next week) So, we agreed to meet at 12pm at Borders, then, I'll lead the way.

My point here being, if it was me who need to be somewhere to do something, I won't be bugging anyone. Thanks to my mom who always emphasize on being independent woman. Must know how to drive, cook and sew. All the basic stuff.

Me, being boyfriendless this whole summer, went everywhere on my own. Did every chores on my own (read: post office to clinic to groceries to house hunting). Bought everything (read: heavy stuff from New World & huge rack and boxes from Warehouse) on my own. Moved my stuff from Hobson to Queen St, without car, ALMOST on my own. I did have a few of my friends help and I love them very much for it (you know who you are).

I am in the state of being happy on my own that I feel odd hanging out with friends or shopping toghether. Just feel awkward. You know the state of, 'maybe she need to go there.', 'I need to be quick so they dont need to wait' or 'do we eat here or does he wanna eat there'.

Yesterday, before I went to help Acap and Korn moved out from Mt Terrace, I was happily shopping for stuff at Newmarket. Alone with my Samsung S5. Eventhough I failed to locate Foodtown, I still managed to spent a lot of money at Farmers. I couldn't imagine my expenditure if I actually locate Foodtown.

p/s: I did have fun hanging out with Bell even for a while and the stuff that she bought was real bargain.

p/p/s: maybe i dun need bf at all eh?

Wednesday, January 28

Impulse buying

class was finish for the day. so lazy to go home to emptiness. went to UBS book store at Uni. Bought two books. Why? No reason. The book 'Lolita' is just to cute to resist. The title I mean. Oh, the cover too. The other book was just Shakespeare book. Always wanted to read more of his books.

Moving on to Library, where I am now. Wiki the 'Twelfth Night' synopsis. Seemed cute enough. I've no idea when to read them. Got another assignment to submit next week.

Too cute to resist. Cute enough to fill my shelf.

Later, going to Ten's. To taste the brownie Acap made for her. Maybe force her to cook lunch for me.

Sunday, January 25

state of mind

For some people, being able to blend in the crowd is a must-thing when entering a new environment. I guess that is the same for me. Being accepted - is want I always wanted. I dont like to stand out in crowds. So i become typical.

That's does not mean I am normal.

I mean normal and typical is not the same.

In one society, it might be typical to see black hair, black eyes or brown skin like being Malaysian in Malaysia. That is normal and typical. Once, you are being Malaysian in New Zealand, you are no longer typical yet you are still normal.

Who can ever define normal?

Even you are normal in one place, it is not likely you are normal everywhere.

It is how your mind works.

angka itu hanya nombor

hari ni cikten ku sayang genap berumur 22 tahun.

dah sesuai nak umur nak fikir pasal kahwen.

buat celebration kecil-kecilan.
ada jugak tiup2 lilin.
no cakes.
i made her pau kacang merah.
dia yang sibuk teringin pau kacang merah.
ada sessi suka ria.

semoga sayangku ini murah rezeki
dapat beg idaman sewaktu hantaran perkahwinan.

Tuesday, January 20

to my mama with love

There are some stories of my life that I don't share with my mom.

Did I lie? Nope. I did not.

I just secure some part of the stories so she would not be worried. So she dont have to live her life with worries over her daughter. I know a mom never stop worrying but I never wish for her to be worried about me.

The only two things I want her to feel is proud and love.

Proud of me. Of my achievements. Of my niceness. Of my nonsense. That's all. I just want her to be proud. For her to be able to brag about me to her friends. Proud, that is how I want her to feel.

Love. Unconditional mother daughter love. Always and forever.

So, mom, next time I don't share stuff with you, know this. I love you always and I want you to always be proud of me. Of whoever I become.

Sunday, January 18

I have one theory that I've been experimenting.

If you don't think / verbalize / acknowledge / talk about your problem that you are facing, the problem might disappear. If you try hard enough to assume the problem is not a problem, then it will become something else.

It is the mind power.

why do you think I am still jobless?

Friday, January 16

music brings us together

Last nite, was chatting wif Afiq and Pikah. We were randomly selecting topics and jumping from issues to another. One of questions I asked Afiq was about this particular friends of ours and what he thought about them and their new blossoming relationship.

Being a guy and all, I wanted to know his perspectives on stuff like that. He was simply being a guy and forcing to drop the topic but I insisted and his answer was, "oh, diorang minat genre muzik yang sama." That is an interesting but debatable view.

I was like, look at me and HR. We don't have the liking to same genre of music at all. Oh, I dont thing I have my own genre that I particualrly like. I just love some and loathe the other. But, anything for sure, HR's genre of music aren't my genre. But, I do force him to pollute his ears listening to my likings which he pretends to like too being an obedient one. Yes, he also forced me to listen to his. Eh, I even went to one of his favourite bands' concert and stick by it. The whole night. Even when my ears just couldn't take the noise, urm I mean the music.

I do love the music he created for me though. I think I just found my genre. Ah, his music.

my genre

***** updated *****

Im not saying that couple with same taste of music are not meant to be together. How would I know? Anyway, I wish the best for my friend and her blossoming relationship.

Tuesday, January 13

Bavarian Creme di Dunkin Donut sudah berubah wajah

Yesterday, went to Ten's place with half dozen of donuts and a bunch of problems to dump to her. Oh, she is my dumping friend alright. She decided to bake bluerberry cheesecake and I accompanied her to the nearest store to get whatever else that she needed.

She bought cheese cream. I asked her if she needed sour cream because Syefah's taught me to use them. She said she already got yogurt that have the same effect as sour cream. I give her this doubtful look. So, she bought the sour cream. Oh yes my look have that scary effect.

So we chatted and baked. It was becoming rather late when the cake will finally baked. I waited still. The cake turned out to be superbedelicious and the wait was worthwhile. (Oh, only she has the picture of the cake).

Before I went to sleep, Ten's smsed me.

Zt, wanna know what I found out on d yogurt packet which I said I wanted 2 use 4 d cheesecake, instead of buying d sour cream. "an alternative to sour cream". hahaha. gudnyte!

Oh! It made me smile.

Breakfast itu mustahak.

Waking up this morning, I felt like I want to eat those expensive pastries that coffee shops always sell. Oh, there might not be that expensive to you but yours truly think they are rather exquisite. Oh, I decided to make my own exquisite expensive extraordinaire pastries.

Oh, Pikah bought the thingie to make her blueberry pie. So, I'll just use what's left of them.

After 45 minutes or so, I got my dream breakfast. Only I'm not so hungry anymore (I also made fried rice from yesterday's leftovers) and it's no longer breakfast time (when you wake up so late). Oh so superbedelicious.

Oh, I want to tayang my own exquisite expensive extraordinaire pastries.

amacam terliur tak?

Monday, January 12

Walking down memory lane

"Happy Birthday Dzul Majdi"

oh, jangan tanya aku apa maksud nama dia. aku tak tahu. aku rasa mungkin dia pun tak tahu apa maksud disebalik namanya. dia abang aku. aku tak pernah cakap aku sayang dia. tapi aku tahu dia tahu sebab aku tahu dia pun sayang kat aku. walaupun masa kanak2 aku benci kat dia . aku ingat satu insiden mama tanya aku masa aku kanak2 riang,

"sapa yang paling nina jahat sekali?"
"Abang!" aku laju je jawab.

Aku benci dia lebih dari Mummra, (Villain si Thunder Cats - aku suka kartun ini). Sebab masa tu, akula mangsa tembakan jet2 pejuang ciptaannya. Aku selalu aja ditembak2 kasar. Aku juga mangsa buli dia. Cis!

Tapi bila dia dah masuk asrama, dia jadi baik sikit. Sikit je. Mungkin sebab dia rindu aku.

Aku banyak belajar secara tak langsung dari dia. Ada beberapa perkara yang aku ingat :

  1. Dia tak tipu mama kalo mama tanya dah solat belum. Dia sentiasa kena marah baru solat. Aku terfikir, kenapa tak bagitau je dah solat. tak la kena pukul. Aku buat kesimpulan sendiri, dah la dosa tak solat pastuh berdosa tipu mama plak. (Hebat tak pemikiran aku.)
  2. Dia sentiasa membangga diri dengan keputusan peperiksaannya. Dia perli2. Sindir2. Oh, dia memang berjaya membakar semangat aku dan adik2 yg lain.
  3. Dia tak pernak amik duit kalo tok bagi. Dia kata tok tua dan tak kaya. Mama abah ada. Kaya lagi. Kenapa nak ambil duit tok. Eh, kalo aku, orang bagi duit, rembat aje!
Lain, tak ingat. Lagipun kalo dia baca post ni, nanti dia riak plak.

Oh, masa mama kat NZ, abang eksiden. Kitorang lambat tahu. Abang tak sedar beberapa hari. Mereka bagitahu hanya lepas abang sedar. Sebab tanak mama risau. Mama risau lagi parah.
Kata mereka, abang cedera dalaman je. Muka dia herot. Dia bercakap jadi pelik. Mama kata sampai sekarang muka dia herot. Mama kata kalo dia gelak, huduh sangat. Doktor kata keherotan tu hanya elok dalam 4-5 bulan. Dia kena pegi fisio lagi. Lain2 dah ok.

Masa aku tahu, aku sedih sangat. Takut dan berdebar. Aku doa banyak. Takpela muka herot, asalkan baik hati.

Oh, abang aku single lagi, aku rasa. Hari ni hari lahir dia yang ke-26. Dia juga kaya raya.

p/s: post ni agak panjang dan extra honest.

Bidding session

Tonight, some of the stuff that I sold and TradeMe has closed the bidding session. Oh, gained some and lose some. I like selling stuff. Somehow made me feel a bit richer when people bought it. Sometimes made me feel that the stuff that I once bought and now selling is not so lame. (Ada org lain beli pe!)

Someone bought my colourful summer duvet cover.
None bought my shirt. Cis!

p/s: have u ever wonder when you watch movies about war, how come whenever the king/the general said something to the whole battalion of soldiers, they always hear. Regardless if the king didn't shout or the lack of speaker. They always listen. Good obedient soldiers.

Wednesday, January 7

unimportant stuff that you dont need to know

I always have these list of things that I want to check out and know more about. I found one of the lists from many that I wrote. Here goes.

  • Alter ego - "the other I". Double life.
  • Leprechaun - Is a male fairy. Green. Ireland. Shoemaker. Very rich & having many treasure.

  • Ethnic cleansing - Euphemism. Homogeneity. Persecution through imprisonment, expulsion or killing. Minority vs Majority. Genocide.
  • Doppelgänger - Lookalike. Double.
  • Sasha Fierce - Beyonce. On stage persona. Huh?
Weird list eh?

I can't take it any longer Thought that we were stronger All we do is linger Slipping through our fingers

I bitch and moan about every single thing that I feel like needing them. Highlighting the main trait that I hate about me is that I am egoistic. Oh, I also have short attention span. Above all, I am a good friend. I think!

Me : If every single night your sleeping in tears, don’t you ought to do something about it?

She: Something? Are you suggesting that we shouldn’t be together?

Me : I’m not suggesting that. Maybe you should talk to him.

She : I’ve told him. I even begged him to come back.

Me : So, what did he said?

She : He asked me to be patient. He strongly feels the way I feel. (Sigh) But I have to be more patient.

Me : Then? Can’t you be more patient?

She : Any more patience I’ll be hospitalized. F**k!! Don’t he understand, I want him like crazy.

Me : What else should he says? What’s wrong with being patient?

She : It somehow made me feel that I want him badly.

Me : (totally clueless with eyes rolling)

She : He’s supposed to want me more than I want him.

*this conversation was, of course, edited and was not entirely in English.*


i miss them

Anyone who says sunshine bring happiness, obviously
never dance in the rain.

Tuesday, January 6

they call me hell they call me stacey they call me her they call me jane that's not my name

okay, let's face it I'm not a big fan of new year's resolution. Although I had a few for last year, I only remembered them because I wrote them in my planner. I had only accomplished one mission, which was to learn one type of dance (which I already forgotten the steps). Others like sembahyang lengkap lima waktu, participate in drama and never ever cutting my hair weren't exactly established. So, I don't feel that I need a new one. Why do I need a new one? I'll stick with the old one for now. Maybe I should add a few more. I should think about that.

Nah, too lazy. Stick to the last year is my resolution and do it better.

Last year's wishlist that I did not achieved was
  • watching a circus - I always wanted to see it
  • going to a fun fair with ferris wheel and cute games with a guy would win me a huge teddy
  • Australia trip - Miss my gurl frens or some of the guys too
  • Nintendo Wii - I just thought that's the gadget for me
Well, as for the new year's celebration, me and the girls baked cupcakes and cooked lotsa food (which I forgot) and played monopoly (that has the eftpos machine). We waited for the countdown and fireworks in our apartment. That's the benefit when you have Sky Tower and Harbour Bridge as your view. If I may say so - the fireworks was nothing compared to Malaysian fireworks.

I think it's not too late to wish ...
~ Happy New Year!!~

I don't like going out for that kind of event. Plus, I know for sure that it will feel too crowded.