Tuesday, December 28

Pineapple Crush

"Well enough about me. Let's hear about from you. What do you think about me?"

It's hard to be with a person like this. Just plain hard. Stressful.

Monday, December 27


Hisyam said,

"Facebook is a social space. Not a personal space. Stop annoying people with your personal stuff."

Unless you like people stalking you.

Sunday, December 26

Nutty Chocolate

*I meant to write this months ago.

It's a movie review of a movie I watched months ago. Skyline. I didn't bother to write earlier because I never think it's important (as in I think the movie is lame).

I now understand the reason behind the mysteriousness of the trailer and the poster of Skyline. You know how they never showed who's the actors/actresses, a longer plot. Just the tagline,

Don't Look Up.

Well, I think maybe they should put,
Don't Look at all.

Wednesday, December 22

Bittery taste

I've always love Brooke Davies. She has a special place in my heart. She inspired me. Not Sophia Bush, just Brooke.

She's the only reason why I keep watching OTH as the series get suckier day by day. I keep on downloading and bearing with all the new faces.

I am crazy like that. Over-fixated on tv series character.

Latest episode of OTH, Brooke died, well almost. I cried. Like sobbing with tears. And puffy eyes.

Arif was like,"Kak, ok tak ni?", while looking at me all red-eyed. I know he wanted to laugh at me. But he couldn't because he was genuinely worried looking at me.

Oh, Brooke, please don't die.

Friday, December 10

Salak Selasih

To those who loves me and care about me;

Just wanna share that

Kak Ika is back!

I'm so happy that I'm on cloud nine.

Off to Giant with dad now.


I have a pinky bank. It is cute and it has money.

I have been saving money since the beginning of the year.

But now, I thought I wanna go to the bank (a real bank) and put my money inside.

It just that I think it would be funny to bring my pinky bank (which is bright bright pink with my scribbling on it) to the real bank with real person. Plus, it is so heavy with shillings. Lotsa shillings.

Do you think bank people will laugh at me?

Am sure they would.

Thursday, December 9


I reread previous entries in my old blog.
I found myself a bit cooler then.
A bit daring in writing.
More optimistic than I am now.

Banana Crunch

Me : Ami main Dota ngan sapa?
Ami: Sorang ja. *Totally ignoring me*
Eh! Mana kakak tau Ami main Dota?
Me : I'm a girl but I'm not stupid.

Wednesday, December 8

Tripple Berries

Dear HR,

Happy Birthday, boyfriend!
May you have a great life ahead.

They all told me how lucky I am for having you. And I couldn't deny that. I couldn't wish for a better boyfriend than you. Wouldn't wish one.

Sunday, December 5

Cotton Candy

I was so bored stuck at home while everyone else is out having fun. So I decided to cheer myself up. I made the mattress cozy with gazillion of plushies and fan nearby. No way will I sweat on a hot hot day.

I chose Camp Rock 2.

And my choice was so perfect. It made my day. Truly did. I was so busy laughing till my face gone red that I forgot to eat my chocolates. Though some of the songs are great, it has all the cliches in the world in one movie.

The best 90 minutes of my day so far.

Saturday, December 4

Cookies and Cream

Countdown to HR's Birthday : 4 days left
Current Song : Cee Lo Green's Fuck You
Thought in my head : Oh so lazy to water the plants.

Since everyone I know from IPBA is like me, broke and hoping wholeheartedly for the claim money that haven't shown a promising sign, I am happy to share my current way of making money.

Since I intend to buy HR a gift for his birthday, I make use of my elder brother who is so busy with work and lazy like a turtle. Duhh~ I can't wait for the claim money forever and do nothing. I have needs.

So, I took jobs from him. Doing whatever. Laundry. Housekeeping (to his room). Dishes.

It work out well between us. Who cares who is using who.

But Kak Eka is coming back from her 2 months vacation soon. And there goes my source of income.

So, I need a new plan.

p/s: I don't know about gift for HR, I spend as fast as I earned.
p/p/s: I only charged him. Not my younger brothers or my parents. That is just cruel.

Sugar Cinnamon

Everytime I see a car passes by, I am wishing,"Nope, don't stop here. Don't visit my house."

Though I keep my home spick and span, my state of mind is not.

So no guests please.

p/s: I wish I have better things to do.

Thursday, December 2

Strawberries. Always Strawberries

Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save
Better lock it, in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave

If I show you then I know you
Won't tell what I said
Cause two can keep a secret
If one of the m is dead

Why do you smile
Like you have told a secret
Now you're telling lies
Cause you're the one to keep it
But no one keeps a secret
No one keeps a secret
Why when we do our darkest deeds
Do we tell?
They burn in our brains
Become a living hell

Look into my eyes
Now you're getting sleepy
Are you hypnotized
By secrets that you're keeping?
I know what you're keeping

Wednesday, December 1


The other while talking on the phone with HR, we talked about our childhood memories. We talked and rambled on.

We ended up talking about songs that I sang whenever I played 'getah' with my girls.

Rumah terbakar panggil bomba,
Bomba datang berlumba-lumba,
Anak kambing patah kaki,
Anak kambing menari-nari,
Anak kambing makan rumput,
Anak kambing masuk kandang.

I just realized this song is kinda silly and does not make sense. At all. Not even the rhyming pattern. Oh silly childhood song~

p/s: gotta love HR for singing Don't Call Me Baby by Madison Avenue for lullaby

Mint Chocolate

Sometimes, when you have good loudspeaker phone, it doesn't mean other people care. It doesn't mean others want to hear how good it is.

Don't turn on music so loud in public places. Especially if you like Justin Bieber.

Friday, November 26

White Mocha

I am currently overly obsessed with wedding.

Wedding cakes, wedding gowns, wedding decoration ~

Just wedding, not marriage.

It is two different things.

Monday, October 25

Chocolate chips

I didn't particularly like to share stories about my practicum. Not that it was bad, it was awesome with too many classroom management but I just don't like to bore you with the stories.

I was reading Ain's blog the other day when I felt like sharing my own story on the same matter.

The gossip started when the students always saw me and HR riding the same car together to and from school. Sometimes, me and HR did paired teaching or sometimes he entered my class to supervised the technical stuff (LCD, Laptop etc). For them, we were close.

Not that me and HR didn't try to not to be together, we did. But I do prefer to eat together. So we went to canteen on our separate ways. We sat as far as possible during assemblies and other public events.

Some thought we are married since we 'live' together (because of the car sharing). Some thought we are brothers and sisters (because apparently, for them, we look alike). Some just thought we are lovers.

So I fed their curiosity.

To some, I admit we are brothers and sisters. Another lot, I said, we are match made in heaven.

Usually, I told them a sad love story. How I really love HR and did everything I can to be with him, but he did not like me. He rejected me and he fell for my best friend. Sometimes I even add in the tears. I am dramatic like that.

They all mostly were sad for me. And never bugged me again.

And not once they questioned me.

To the teachers, I said we are just friends.

And you think only students like to gossip...



It's a big deal. It affects your life.

It's like you only notice it when it's gone. It's like missing it when it's no longer yours. It's like that. You only know it, understand it, when you go through with it. When you experienced it.

When you lie awake thinking about it. When you stay up all day and night planning for it. When you put your social calender on hold. And people did not notice it. And people ignoring it.

I hope karma is bitchier that I am.

Friday, October 22


I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.
Along with the sunshine,
There's gotta be a little rain sometimes.

-Lynn Anderson-

Thursday, October 21

Planning is never bad

While everybody else is busy wanting to make a football team out of their children, HR rather have a group of children to make a band. You know 4,5ish. Have I mention, a rock band? It's gonna be one noisy household.

He used to date my favourite singer

I love this movie. I really don't know why people wouldn't like it. It is not a waste of time. For me, this movie is a great suspense film! I mean for a movie to only have one actor, one dark ugly tiny setting, it was awesome. Duh ~ I believe it's really hard to make a good film when the entire movie only about him in a box.

But you need to be prepared from the beginning, it only has one setting.

For this movie really can make my heart pounds thousand time faster and shed a few tears, I give it a 9.5/10.

Go watch it.

p/s: Roja dear, Happy birthday. Love you lotssssssssssssss

Wednesday, October 20

lemon zest

Today's date is cool.


I thought about doing something memorable.
But I am not inspired to do anything.

So, I drove home.

And I am at home now.

p/s: To Bayah - who is doing something memorable today, congratulations. U have chosen a good date to be remembered. Yay for you! Can't say I'm not jealous.

Thursday, October 7


I was thinking about you
I was thinking about me
I was thinking about us
How will it be?

Tuesday, October 5

Music Magic

I watched Magika just now.
I thought it was awesome.
I gave it 9.9/10 marks.
I think it was worth every HR's penny.
Only me and HR clapped after the movie finishes.

Go and watch it.

Saturday, October 2

Im all that and more

Sebagai seorang guru, aku kurang gemar akan penjual-jual di luar pagar sekolah. Selain daripada makanannya tidaklah dijamin bersih, mereka juga menganggu laluan keluar masuk. Seboleh- boleh nak jual depan pagar. Budak-budak dok la berkerumun.

Miss Dzeti nak balik awal pun susah. Dok risaukan budak-budak yang beli aiskrim tepi jalan. Kalau masa bulan puasa dulu lagi la baran je. Sedap je yang non-muslim dok menjilat aiskrim di tengah jalan. Sedangkan aku dok sibuk pusing strereng cuba mengelakkan diorang.

Tapi aku pun pernah menjadi murid. Aku pun pernah menjadi budak-budak yang beli kat tepi jalan. Aku pun selalu tak pedulikan nyawa demi ngejar aiskrim dalam roti.

Aku ada beberapa makanan kegemaran pada zaman persekolahan.Salah satunya satay ikan.

Satay ikan yang selalu jual kat sekolah tu? Yang di atas moto? Yang ada sos manis dan sos pedas?

Masa kanak-kanak riang, itulah makanan kegemaran. Sanggup tanak belanja waktu rehat sebab nak makan satay ikan tersebut.

Hari tu nampak jual kat pagar sekolah. Suruh HR pergi belikan.


Puas aku makan.

Inilah nikmatnya menjadi seorang cikgu. Dapat re-live zaman kanak-kanak. Menikmati satay ikan setelah penat bersekolah. Oh yeah~

Tuesday, September 28

Nila dalam susu sebelanga

Aku memang kurang gemar dengan semut. Tambahan pula yang banyak-banyak buat perkampungan di kawasan aku.

Pada satu hari, tengah lelepak ngan HR depan laptop dia. Dia tengah buat-buat sibuk. Aku pun sibuk untuk menyibuk. Tengah rancak menyembang, aku nampak seekor semut lalu atas laptop dia. Aku dengan pantas menyuruh HR membunuh semut tersebut.

HR buat tak layan. Dia teruskan dengan aktiviti kosongnya. Aku cakap lagi, semut tuh perlu dihapuskan. Dia tanya, agak-agak seekor semut boleh jahanamkan sistem dalaman laptop ke? Aku malas nak layan soalannya dan aku membuka langkah untuk menamatkan riwayat semut itu. HR menghalang, dia kata, "Semut ni I bela. Nama dia Shukri".

Aku tergamam.

Iyer, dia bela semut tersebut. Dia simpan dalam laptopnya.

Thursday, September 16

I am related to them

I have the smartest brothers in the whole wide world.

After they finished loading the car with various stuffs to bring to Kedah, they step by step locked the house (a lot of locks, I assure you). After they thoroughly ensured every lock was in place and every precaution was taken before leaving our house, they realized they left the car keys in the house.

Yup, they had to redo it all over again.

Saturday, September 11

Haiyakk!! Tepis-tepis

* earlier days*
MakCik : Bila nak kawen?
Aku : *Senyum kosong je*

* later*
MakCik : Bila nak kawen?
Aku : Tunggu abang dulu. Ikut turn.

MakCik : Bila nak kawen?
Aku : Lepas kerja setahun dua. Kena kumpul duet.

MakCik : Bila nak kawen?
Aku : Hujung tahun depan. (Dengan yakin)

Iyer, aku yakin. Yakin diri. Biar takde siapa nak masuk minang. Biar takde sapa hingin.
Janji makcik-makcik tu semua senyap.
Iye, senyap buat seketika.
Sebelum mereka tanya pula.

"Eh, dengan sapa?"

Friday, September 10

Makan Kueh Raya berpada

I believe balik kampung is one of the luxuries of Hari Raya. It gives you chance to further socialize with your extended family and shares life experiences. For the young, even more duet raya since everyone is gathered in one place.

I love to balik kampung.

For a few years it is because to hang with this pretty girl, Iman.

Cute even with the face

My Little Sweetheart New Zealand

It was never ever to meet the shallow minded people with no use for the nation.

Sometimes the terrible twos can be smarter than the old skool.


Selamat Hari Raya everyone.

Maaf Zahir Batin.

Thursday, September 9

How to enslave me

  • Condemn my looks to disrupt my self-esteem
  • Criticize everything I do to discourage self-confidence
  • Insult me till I have no self-respect
  • Invite friends to taunt my insecurities to further shred every ounce of self-dignity left
Not necessarily in that particular order. With me having no self-trust, I will have no one else but to depend on you. I will do everything for you ..

Friday, September 3

the way I am

i miss this

Back to basic

Various people have various opinion on the 'buang bayi' issue. Notice I am using a Malay term? Yup, this is because there's no specific English term for it. Just because only Malays are up to this kind of behaviour.

I know the safest option is to 'kahwin' but desperate horny people are just dumb people who could care less as long as they got it.

There is a lot of people all over the world having pre-marital sex but most of them are smart enough to use protection. Be safe.

I am not saying I am encouraging pre-marital sex but if they really do need it, there is no stopping or advising them.

Yup, regardless how 'innocent' you think Malaysian youth is, let's just go back to basic. Wear a condom. Teach them to wear one. Make them wear one. Force them to wear one.

Wednesday, September 1

Cendol tetap pilihanku

I felt a little guilty because I didn't do any important patriotic act this year. Didn't even go the parade, which I always love to see (not to be a participant). I should have celebrate harder.

But I make up my lack of enthusiasm on the day with other activities days before days after.

My friends and I coached a few students to perform a few performances during Majlis Ambang Merdeka in my school. It was fun training them. Their performances received loud claps so I bet it was a success.

I even judged a patriotic singing competition between classes at school. They were all dressed nicely and very colourful. Their performances were very interesting and lovely. It was hard to choose winners but I did.

So, I am all geared up for patriotic spirit.

Happy 53th Merdeka Day!!

Saturday, August 21


Will you promise me something? Promise me that if you ever find someone who makes you happier, smile more, laugh harder, feel more handsome, don’t think twice about me. Promise me that you’ll be with them. Because I’d have my heart broken a thousand times if it means you will never stop smiling.

Wednesday, August 18

Pretty Little Liars

A: I'm not looking for anything more than a friend.

B: Why? Don't you have enough on Facebook? Besides, don't you want someone real?

Sunday, August 15

I want a lot of airplanes to make wishes to

  • I know I am getting more and more adult when I rarely updated my playlist and I keep listening to the same old song from the 90s.
  • It's pathetic that only at the age of 23 I learned to really truly appreciate Solat Terawih. Itu pun lepas dengar ceramah Ihya Ramadhan kat sekolah.
  • I know I'm now categorized as adult when my favourite radio station is Mix.fm because it also plays the now-oldies-songs from the 90s.
  • I hate Justin Bieber. I just don't understand the sudden craze over him.
  • Grown Ups is a funny film that will surely make you laugh your heart and stomach out. That's it.
  • I realized that I can't be the 'garang' teacher at all. I always give in to their silly jokes.

Saturday, August 14

Happy fasting everyone

The Expendables is a must watch movie on my list. The attraction of the movie is it has so many action pack actors though I particularly hate Stallone but I heart Statham and Latrell. Especially Latrell. I just assumed it is a good movie.

Until I saw the line, 'A film by Stallone'.

I don't particularly like watching movie that is directed by the hero. For me, it's a syok sendiri movie. They usually portray the hero as the coolest strongest person in the movie. Well, they are the directors, so they can do whatever they can.

And I was right.

I don't like the movie. Apart from a few puns and one gorgeous cameo (the other one is fugly, mind you), the movie is fill with gory and bloody scene. I thought the moral of the story tak sampai. The issue pun tak diketahui.

Too many unneeded gory and bloody scene. I got it that they are bunch of though guys, no need the extra blood waste.

Easy said, I don't like Stallone.

p/s: I am glad when I watched Salt, the subtitle didn't translated the movie name as garam.

Tuesday, August 10

I'm not much on reading the newspapers or watching the news. I don't know why~

But when I do read one, I scrutinize to every inch of it. Even the obituary, the advertisement. That's why one paper can take me about 3 days to finish. I always found funny news on the paper. ALWAYS have one.

The other day, I was reading The Sun, the free one.

I read about the 'penggalakkan' for young horny teenagers to get married. This is to avoid the current issue which is 'pembuangan bayi'. They sorta wanting to allow teenagers at the age of 16 to be married (if they dah tak tahan sangat dah). They mentioned about at least the baby will grow up to a proper family,bla bla bla, kukuhkan institutusi kekeluargaan bla bla, tanggungjawab, bla bla bla.

I thought it was interesting and amusing.

For me, there is always an inclination to push aside the blame or propose a short-term-solution. plan. (Elak buang bayi, elakan zina, kahwin awal)

Next 2 years or so, there will be more alarming issue, like divorce issues or keruntuhan institusi kekeluargaan due to this-lustful-marriages.

Marriage is never only just about 'menghalalkan apa yang haram'. It's about a lot more than that. Commitment, responsibilities, sharing, sacrifice, spending whole life and a lot more. Definitely worth thinking and rethinking about.

At that young age, they wouldn't have a proper job that can support a family. There are always issues with money. Is not easy to raise a baby. Or a family. They wouldn't have mature enough. They have never dealt with anything more than, where can we do it without getting caught?

I wonder, what would another short-term-solution for too many divorces in Malaysia then?

HR's commented something like this;

Bertambah lagi lah manusia yang bodoh di Malaysia ni. Dah la bodoh. Galak sangat tapi tak nak guna protection. Buang bayi. Nanti si bodoh-bodoh ni kawin, hasilkan lagi banyak yang bodoh. Kalau tak pun, sebab bodoh sangat, bercerai. Lepas tu anak-anak terbiar, tertekan. Buat seks. More babies. This time around, even the parents can't say a thing.

That's not how he said it. It's my version of his words.

p/s: It's too bad that we are smart people and we have to always think about the marriage. Just think. Hahaha.

Sunday, August 8

Running water

I had a chillex moment just now. Spending the morning with feet deep in the cold water and reading a book to the sound of waterfall and children having laughs. Bliss~

My day started with me driving my mom to Sg Congkak. Her school held a Ibadah Camp for the standard 4 & 5 there and she wanted me to accompanied her there (translated :Drive her there). I was fine with the driving as long as I don't have to mingle.

There, after my mom safely cross the bridge and all, I lifted my pants and chilled in the water. I brought along my favourite book from a favourite author. Totally out of mind experience. The fact that the water is so clean is a huge bonus point.

Thursday, July 29

Too Many Too Less

On the way up to our respective room via staircase (Elevator was down, AGAIN!), HR smelled durian, his favourite fruit.

HR: Kalo I ajar anak-anak kita makan buah durian boleh tak?
ME: Hurm? (Terkebil-kebil). Ajar la~ (Padahal jantung dah berhenti berdegup bila dengar
perkataan 'anak-anak kita').
HR:Takdela. Nanti you feel left out. You won't feel part of the gang. You kan tak suka makan
Me: Ajar je .. Takper.. Korang makan durian, I bawak diri pi Starbucks.

p/s: Men like to give clues like that.

Thursday, June 24

Blowing the candles in style

None of us think that we like to be treated like a child. Especially at the age of early twenties. When all the options come knocking our doors. Most of us feel very much adult-like at that age. Very much capable of making own decisions and mistakes. Especially when we are used to being independent when studying abroad.

I used to be furious when my mom treat me like a child. Telling me what to wear, who to be nice to, when to speak, when to go out or how to react. It felt like I'm in no control over my own life. My life need to follow her way of thinking. It did not feel fair when she herself got married at that young age. I rebelled, of course, in my own way.

Truthfully, I am scared.
Making my own decisions. Making my own mistakes. There's no one to fall to.

I don't like handling family issues - that requires me to stand on my own two feet. I hate thinking what to cook. I hate it when I have to see doctor on my own. I really don't know how to talk to doctors or what to tell them. I hate choosing home decoration. I never know how to talk to old relatives on my own. I don't know how to choose chicken in supermarket. I really don't know what to say to tailor when making my baju kurung.

In that sense, I prefer to be a child. Forever. No responsibilities.
In that sense, I love my over-protective mom guiding me through and through.
In that sense, I never want to grow up.

Yesterday, I celebrated my 23rd birthday. With loved ones.

My wish this year is to always to be a child in my mom eyes. For her to always be there for me and protect me no matter what. For her to never stop guiding and teaching me despite my rebel mood and grunts.

Thanks mama for giving birth to a 'healthy' girl like me.
Thanks abah for everything.

p/s: When my mom wished me the other day, she said to get married at 24. Yipppeee!!

Monday, June 21

Hopefully not

Here is my brother's life philosophies on ranking of who you should hit in accident. The smaller the number is, the least possible you should hit your car with.

5. A pole
4. A stranger's car
3. A stranger's motorcycle
2. A pedestrian
1. Your own car

Mind you, hitting your own car with your other car is pretty stupid. And he knew it because he have done it and he had to pay the cost for both cars.

Thursday, June 17

Cookie Monster is coming

HR just announced to me that Usher is coming to Malaysia this July. He was expecting me to jump up and down in joy and say something like, "Oh my gosh! Let's go!!". But I did not.

I do like him. I like his voice. His song. His move. Him. Just him.

But, no! I don't like going to crowded places. Especially if it is expensive. Which I know it is.

He was saying, "But you like him!" I kept saying, "Yeah. I do. So?"

Maybe I'll go if it's free. But what happen if my future students saw me jumping and salivating over the hot bod? Will they still respect me and do their homework? Oh, man.

Not giving up, HR stated that Sesame Street is coming to town as well. He said, "There will be Elmo."

I amused him by asking the ticket price which he did find out for me.

Friday, June 11

kuning dan hitam

Pagi tadi pergi Maybank lagi. Dah tiga hari berturut-turut pergi sana. Membuat urusan-urusan memeningkan. Akak-akak kaunter tersebut memang dah kenal sangat dah.
Bukan mau sangat pun ke sana, tapi kerana inefisiennye mereka tersebut, maka memangla lebih memeningkan. Orang nak kasik duet kat awak pun, awak banyak songeh. Leceh la.
Aku memang dah cam akak/abang bank mana yang malas, yang gediks, yang kedekut kudrat, yang extra ramah, yang selsema tak baik-baik lepas 3 hari (tapi datang gak kerja), yang rabun tapi malas pakai spek, yang cakap kencang kerja haprak dll.
Tapi hari ni mood aku lift up sket sebab aku dapat hadiah dari Maybank. Tetiba je kat kaunter tengah tunggu dia cop sana sini, akak tu dtg kasik satu bungkusan ada riben kat aku. Tercengang sekejap. Dia kata sebab aku pakai tudung kuning dan baju seluar hitam. Bangga sekejap aku.
Oh, gembiranya..
p/s: Kalo datang bank waktu dekat ngan lunch hour, dia layan ala kadar je, sebab dia nak kejar waktu break dia.

of bunga telur and bally shoes

Me : I took our sijil kursus kahwin just now.
HR : Oh, thanks. Where is it?
Me : It's with me. I'm keeping it.
HR : Why? I'll try not to lose it.
Me : I'm keeping it. Just so that you can't marry someone else.
HR: I can just attend another one.
Me : Yeah, you can. But you'll be busy and it will be more expensive than this one.
HR : I bet next year IPBA will provide another cheap kursus kahwin for the juniors. I'll attend then. Still cheaper.
Me : Ni, memang nak kawen ngan orang lain la? (Tone changed)
HR : Eh, takdela.. Jom pi makan, jom.. (chuckling)

p/s: I just put our sijil someplace safe.

Wednesday, June 2

and they say to love is to let go

A friend once asked me how can I be so ignorant and not care about stuff? She mentioned that I once admitted to her that one of my biggest weaknesses is I have too high degree of empathy. She noticed the contradictory in my statement and my behaviour.

Though the question came as a shock to me, I know she meant well. She was just curious seeing me being too carefree despite all the issues that we were facing that time. The question did help me to better understand myself.

After some soul searching, I told her that I am a selective thinker. I just put my mind on certain thing at one time. Neglecting some issues to be dealt later. I only think about what is necessary for me and ignore completely stuff that doesn't bother me (or stuff that I pretend not to bother me).

It works well for me.

I compartmentalize my thinking. I select them accordingly.

Being me, an over-planner that have high degree of empathy and intrapersonal being, I can't breathe if I keep on thinking on various issues. It would consume me. So, I opt to not think about them. Ignoring it.

If I let myself be, I would keep on thinking and thinking too much and replaying the issues in my head. I would be trapped in my own mind and thinking.

I acknowledge that this is not the healthiest way. But this is how I manage myself to prevent (is unavoidable) turning more bipolar than I already am.

Oh, yes. I am always ignoring you.

Thursday, May 27

Surprise surprise

Suddenly decided to come home last nite. Great decision as we suddenly concluded to celebrate abah's birthday. It's a future birthday celebration since his real birthday is on the 30th of May.

A small celebration among the family. Just us and McDonalds. Any excuse for midnite snack paid my greatest brother in the world.

Since it is so sudden, we dont have much decoration. Plus, not much materials at home.

After some time of waiting, he finally came home. And we surprised him with a special gift from all of us.

That sure made him smile despite his tiredness.

I've come up with this idea to buy him guitar last year when he visited me in Auckland. He played with HR's guitar during his stay. I was surprised since I never knew he could play guitar. My suggestion was agreed by my family and with HR's help we bought him one.

Admiring his guitar. He sure loves it. Other pictures are censored of course. Mind you, it's a midnite celebration.

Dearest Abah,

Happy Birthday Abah.

May all your wishes come true.

Hope you can play all your favourite songs for us soon.

Love always,


Sunday, May 23

I ain't wearing no halo on me

I know that if I put my hopes up too high, it might be crushed into pieces. Small tiny picees. I know that. But, I do it still. I'm just hopeless like that.

Just like the book that I wanted so much. The Ice Cream Girls. I bought it. Read it. Don't like it much. I'm not sure if it's because the book just sucks or it's me being to hopeful and it doesn't fulfill my vision of greatness.

I am keen to watch Eclipse m0vie. Can't hardly wait. It's supposed to come out on the 30th of June. And I can't wait to see Jacob. Can't wait that I watch the trailer everyday. EVERYDAY. I put the trailers and spoilers (notice the -s, yup, it's plural) in my iPod to ensure he is always near. I'm so afraid that my high expectations might be crushed.

Don't put anyone on a pedestal. Especially me.

p/s: When I asked HR if he prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf, he said a vampire would be great. He didn't think he would look good with fur so thick. Plus he wanted to suck the blood of all the bad people in the prison, so he'll be a good vampire, he thinks.

Thursday, May 20

Oh, its you.

I love to curl up in my bed reading good book. I can stay curl up forever given the book has great storyline, cute cover and funny characteristics.

Reading book before sleeps is also one of my favourite thing. It gives me a good dream and makes me fell asleep faster.

My issue is if the book is superb, I can finish it within a few hours. I would stay up all night and neglect everything else in the world, just for the book.

I don't like that it can only last a few hours. I want it to be forever and ever.

Good books are hard to find. Expensive especially. I always have to ensure the book lasted a few days to make my money worth it.

If I don't like the book, it will last longer. I will fall asleep and it would serve the purpose of reading before bed time.

I want cheaper good books. Lotsa them.

Wednesday, May 19

I wish

I wish the sun never stop shining
But I'm sick of sweating

I wish the leaves never stop falling
But it requires a lot of sweeping

I wish the snow never stop dropping
But it makes unpleasant driving

I wish the flowers never stop blooming
But they bring bees that never stop stinging

I wish the season changes from summer to autumn to winter to spring
But I will never stop complaining.

p/s: Happy Birthday Arifah.

Tuesday, May 18

I am blessed

I am a major weeper. I weep at every single thing. Be it a movie or a book or some random incident in the supermarket. I have such a sensitive heart. Really, I must have the cleanest eyes.

I cried over The Amazing Race the other day. I just randomly flicking the channel and decided to watch the one episode. It was the last one (only three couple left) and I only watched for the last 15 minutes. I cried when the couple won. I never watch it before, I really don't know them and I cried. Lame oh lame. Though I wipe my tears as fast as I can to avoid any further accusations of lameness (both my brother and father were at the scene, mind you).

My tears did not stop flowing when I was reading Eclipse (by Stephanie Meyer). How lame is that? I read the book for the third time and my tears are always there with me. Though I think I was able to disguise the tears with my roommates around.

I thought I can blame it on the hormones. Nope, it wasn't it. It's just me. Me, me, me and me. The ever-cool-intrapersonal-skill that I am fortunate to have.

I think I am developing bipolar if I keep on continuing these randoms weeping. Then again, I think I already have it.

Need to always remind self to smile and be happy.

I am in each lovely thing

Encountered this poem the other night. I thought it was nicely written. The poem last line is superb.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Mary Frye

Tuesday, April 20

Life is not an Ice Peach Tea

It is hard to keep a positive self image when it's the people who you trust are the one that keeps badgering and bringing you down. There's no use of self confidence at all. Insecurity is a way of life around here.

Monday, April 19

My Mantra

I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine
I've got a love and I know that it's all mine
Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me,
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me
- N. Bedingfield

Saturday, April 17

It's like pulling a plaster

I posted this question to HR;

Would you rather have someone who tell the truth (which you won't like and hurts like hell) to your face OR who say to you what you want to hear and did not actually mean it?

At that time, of course his anger had subside a bit and I was trying to comfort him in a critical manner (after the earlier *loveydovey* comforting episode) and I wouldn't say stuff like that when he was boiling with rage. Rage does not go well with logic. I know that from experience, mind you. I am also like that.

My point being, sometimes people tell you lies because you asked for it. Not directly but through your body language or through experience. Like any other boyfriend would know to always say the girlfriend is pretty whenever she ask it. like WHENEVER~

In other cases, (especially that involves many other people) the truth would just do. Hurtful but faster.

Of course I am going to be mad when someone told me, "Yes. I am interested to join the skit. But today I am too busy, maybe next practise I am going to show up," and he did not. Show up. EVER. Who would not?

While that person thought he was trying to tell me what I wanna hear, I don't want to hear that excuses of yours. I want the truth that you are not interested. I might hate you because you are so freaking selfish but you are not a hypocrite. (of course you are selfish. Excuses like I'm too busy or too many assignments does not count - I too have a lot of assignments and have more responsibility than you).

Here I was waiting for your arrival (and stopped searching for other candidates) and you never did show up. When asked, you said, "Of course. Of course. I am in!"

To that question earlier, HR said he wanted the truth. At least when he knows it (of course he gonna throw manly bitch fit first - He is capable of that, mind you) and then tries to find other alternatives rather than just hoping for something that is not coming.

painful yet fast

Tuesday, April 13

From the lecture hall

It is lame to try to focus students' attention by saying, "This is gonna come out in the exam".

So much of trying to make school based assessment.

We are exam oriented just because.

That kind of teacher's attitude just add more problems than solving any.

My head is filled with statistics, graphs and tables.

My husband said he needed more space,
so I locked him outside.

Friday, April 9

Yay! Finally cut my hair

HR and I couldn't help ourselves when we saw the Clash of the Titans tagline. C'mon!

"This year, the titans will clash". How original is that? It is lame, lame, lame.

How am I supposed to know despite the fact that the tagline is superlame, HR insisted that we watch the movie. He said we need to stay positive. Give this movie a chance to prove itself. It is supposed to be the-movie-of-year.

Shall I just go straight to my point...

  • I tot Perseus is Poseidon's son (The Lightning Thief). Now, he is Zeus son. Anak hasil rogol plak tuh. Whoever the father is, I really hope his mother does know the real father.
  • For a movie entitles Clash of the Titans, there are not many titans. or titans clashing. Not enough clashing to compensate the tagline.
  • The fighting scene is not really among the titans (the so-called-father-of-ZEUS-HADES-POSEIDON). So, nope. No clashing among the titans. Just between human, demi-god (anak luar nikah tu, Perseus) and some creatures.
  • 5 seconds of the ever scary Kraken. Itu pun senang je dihapuskan. Tak sempat nak takut. Dah jadi batu.
  • the usage of deus ex machina.
  • Boleh tak semua mati n tinggal anak hasil rogol Zeus je untuk selamatkan dunia.
  • Plus, I don't really think the hero face suits the Greek era. He just seems so modern.

Saturday, April 3

One hell of a long lesson

Last week was a pretty hectic week. Only slept for a few hours each night. A massive pile up of unfinished work.

Last Tuesday was my fourth anniversary with HR. Celebrated it low-key style. I mean, its like every other night dinner with me putting make up on (than took less than three minutes) and wearing something different. We ate at an affordable place, mind you.

We agreed to only celebrate it the next week (Maybe by then my eye bags are less visible). Since none of us have time to bought presents yet, we settle for no present. But I did give HR a pre-anniversary gift, a poster (with our picture on it designed by my friend).

He was surprised. By my gift. By my appearance. After all he was only wearing slippers with a black kemeja that I adored.

Being creative, he gave me a big box as a gift. Impromptu gift that he collected at the Carrefour afterward. He said,

'This is for you. In this box, there is something better than you.'

I opened the box and its empty.

p/s: Nothing is better than me.

moon so bright it light up the night

kalau bulan bisa berbicara
kalau bulan berani berkata
kalau bulan itu seindah disangka
kalau bulan boleh hentikan masa
takkan aku di sini tanpa lena.

Thursday, March 25

Yawn a big yawn

I think I have established how boring lectures session can be. With the un-condusive environment, the lack of seating space and the so-unreliable-LCD Projector, one not only can easily fall asleep but also busy not paying attention. Or like me, blogging.

Yesterday, one of my classmates, who was sitting next to me, not paying attention of course, asked me after almost 45 minutes of the lecture,

"Subjek apa eh ni?"

Before I could answer, I laughed my heart out.

How disconnected can you be when you don't even know what subject it was?

Tuesday, March 23


Three of my New Year's resolution are accomplished.
  • travel around Malaysia esp visit Sabah and Sarawak (If I manage to travel whole NZ, I should be able to do this in my own country)
  • road trip with friends (doesn't matter far or near)
  • attend someone's wedding that is truly my own friend (I never been to my own friend's wedding. It had always been my mom's or dad's friends or relatives. This year, I want to attend my own friend's wedding. Or at least their brothers or sisters. I want to receive the invitation card with my name)
The list is copied from here.

Last Saturday we went for a road trip to Pekan, Pahang. Convoying with four cars. To Nadia's wedding. Stopped by Telok Cempedak. Felt the water. Snapped more pictures. Met a few monkeys. Bought a bag. Ate dadih. Prayed at Masjid Sultan Ahmad Shah. Ate again at Temerloh. Drove till late nite.

Life is a bliss when the people around you are blissful.

Monday, March 22

teh tarik satu

I love laksa. Always have always will. My mom loves laksa too. She always cooks it. Laksa becomes one of our supplement food besides nasi. She cooks the best laksa in town. I love her laksa.

Every time I wanna eat outside, I always avoid ordering laksa (if the place is selling one). I have always eaten laksa, making ordering one outside seems redundant. I always try to order food I cannot cook or something special. That's why we eat outside right.

I also feel somehow I am betraying my mom if I order or eat laksa outside. It feels like I don't give my mom enough credit of her laksa and I need to get out ordering one. Seems like I am denying her laksa of the most sedap laksa in the whole wide world. I just feel bad.

My mom never knows that of course.

I am lame.

Tuesday, March 16


I've been meaning to write this for a while. I know I've been thinking about it.

I feel that I want to disagree with one of Gardner's Multiple Intelligences. I know I am kinda lame but having 'intrapersonal' as my strength makes me so much more lame.

I don't think 'my type of intelligence' qualify as an 'intelligence'. It is more like a curse. A curse that I don't feel anyone else should bear.

I don't feel intelligent at all now. The fact that I am an average person and my MI is not even an 'intelligence' at all.

Monday, March 15


To err is human,
To forgive divine

Wednesday, March 3

it's not always me, you know

This conversation happened days ago. I only remember bits and pieces. But the gist is there.


Me: Buat apa tuh?

HR: Kemas-kemas bilik sket.

Me: Oh, finally. Dari harituh kata nak kemas. Dah mop bilik ke?

HR: Belum lagi.

Me: Hari tuh semangat sangat beli pencuci lantai. Kenapa tak mop lagi?

HR: Hujanlah.

Me: Ha? So? Kalo hujan?

HR: Nanti tak kering la kalo mop.

Me: (Laughing my heart out)


Fatin: Dzeti, Acap kata, Hisyam tanya kalo pergi kursus kahwin ngan orang tuh, kena kawen
ngan orang tu ke?

Me: (Laughing my heart out)

Tuesday, March 2

mean what you say, say what you mean

Practising what one preach is a very essential thing for me. I mean there is no point for you blabbing on the hazardous effect of smoking when your teeth are as yellow as a stained toilet bowl that has never been cleaned. Why even bother telling kids that red light means stop when you keep on driving when the traffic light is red.

No use whatsoever in teaching us to plan lesson meaningfully and consider this and that for the lesson but when it comes to your own, it bores us to death.

Monday, March 1

it's always me - part 3

Is there a possibility that someone might not know they are so freakishly annoying? I mean I reflect on my teachers (and lecturers), they don't seem to know that they are killing me softly with their lesson.

What if one day I become an annoying teacher and I don't know the fact that I am annoying? I will be thinking that I'm cool but the students actually talk bad about me behind my back. What if I am no longer relevant or unable to relate to the students?

I hope not to become an annoying teacher.

Tuesday, February 23

It's always me - part 2

I need to change. Smiling more to people I know. Not only to strangers. I need to learn to smile to everyone instead of being selective. I noticed that I jump hoops to smile at unknown person yet don't have the heart to smile to people that who are close to me.

Monday, February 22

is all about me

Sometimes, I just wish that I am more selfish.

Friday, February 19

the ice cream girls

I think Ain once asked me about my preference towards chick-lit genre for reading. She herself does not really favour that genre. I can't really recall what my response towards her question was but I bet I said something lame like I just like what I like. I remembered she sorta tried to persuade me to try reading other genre by buying me a book by one of her favourite author for my birthday.

I kept on reflecting on her question because I do want to know the reason as well (which I don't have at that time). It's not that I don't read other genre because I do read Gaiman's, Koontz's and King's writing and I particularly like Sheldon's writing. But chick-lit has always been what I favour the most.

After some soul searching, I guess this preference got to do with me being such a realist. I think I can relate better with these stories and through them I extract the moral values and try to relate them back to my life. I like to use these books fantasies (which is more real than any ghost story, in term of reality and fantasy) to imagine my own. Plus, I am a sucker for stories with colourful rainbows and happy endings.

I got to admit though, I do like stories about girl loves boy, boy chases girl, girl got insecurities issues, boy like bad girl, boy has good girl best friend or stuff like that. It is simple. It is usual. It is real. It always happens. Just with different twist here and there.

When I choose a book I like to read a few pages first. If I feel that I can't put the book down, I sure am hook up by the book already. It also got to do with I like books with nice colourful happy covers and mysterious and superb tagline. They compel me to read them.

Current obsession is Dorothy Koomson. She is absolute great read. I have read almost all of her book. Almost because she just got a new one out. I owned all of her writing except for her first and latest book.

Thursday, February 18

Show me some love

What do you think about people who give others a present that was given to them by someone else? Is it appropriate? I mean, the gift was meant for you and yet you have the heart to give the present to someone else. Sounds confusing. For example, for Milah’s birthday, Ali gave her a Prada bag. Milah gave this exact bag to her friend, Suzi on Suzi’s birthday. Ahh, recycled gift is the term.

Maybe the person has put deep thought into that gift (time and money wise) and you, the receiver, don’t like it. Maybe the present suits the other person more. Maybe the present is not really ‘you’. Or simply, you have gazillion of the items already. That does not mean the gift is transferable.

I understand it is your right to do whatever you want with your gift. It is yours after all. It was already given to you. You can simply throw it away if you don’t like it. Or maybe that is better. Throw it away. Not in front of the giver of course. Rather than secretly not liking it and giving it to others and get caught.

I know the phrase ‘it’s the thought that counts’. Does it mean that it does not matter where the gift comes from? Whether it was stolen or taken by force? Whether the gift was actually meant for someone else?

I betcha the new receiver of the recycled gift also will not be entirely pleased. It is a second hand item after all. The gift might represent the worse in you since it might convey that you don’t respect the giver of the item or the new receiver.

I truly understand that your intention might be nice. You don’t wanna waste a gift that you might not use yourself. So, you give it to someone else.

Don’t try to rationalize your action. Just don’t.

It hurts.

However, I would draw a line if the gift is wrong in size. I mean what would I do with a size 'S' baby tee? That shows the giver does not really thought about the present hence it can be given to someone else.

* A gift is something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present. I am not talking about the kinda present you got if you won something, that one you earned it so you can do whatever you want with it.

p/s: received a great pressie today. Thanks HR.

Tuesday, February 16

Saturday, February 13

I am in the mood to fall in love

Hang out with my great friend, Helwa today, the official beginning day of my long CNY break. She came over to my place for a chitchat before both of us pursued our journey to Pavillion. Browsing some interesting women stuff before going to lunch. Had long delicious lunch and continued our shopping spree.

These are some of the food we ate, they were so much more. So many stories were shared. Not so much gossip. I managed to spend wisely. Cheeerios me!!

Come hang out with me.

p/s: I think in that picture Helwa is experiencing somewhat sugar high moment due to all the sweetness that she consumed and the sweetness around her (me la!).

Wednesday, February 10

Russian Roulette

In a haze, a stormy haze, I'll be round,
I'll be loving you always, always,
Here I am and I'll take my time,
Here I am and I'll wait in line always, always

Wednesday, February 3

Someones is getting older today

Dear Helwa is celebrating her birthday today.
Love you lotsa darling~
Will be seeing you soooooooon ....
May all your wishes come true

Tuesday, February 2

long live babydolls

How to prevent from a heart break?

Stop hoping. Stop dreaming. Stop wishing.

How to maintain a long lasting relationship?

The same.
Stop hoping. Stop dreaming. Stop wishing.

When the heart learn that there's nothing to be yearned for,
it wont be aching anymore.

When the heart starts to understand that desire may lead to resentment,
the heart will discover the reality.

Monday, February 1

It has been long due.

Orang kuat majlis

Tiup-tiup lilin

Senyuman tipikal K.A






Selamat maju jaya, K.A!

Friday, January 29

I am a mess in a dress

I was playing Taboo with Fatin just now. Before we went for our evening shower. Separately of course.

The word that I was looking for was "Elbow". The clue was perfect since it was given by me. She knows that it is supposed to be 'siku' in English. I can hear she was trying to recall the word. I heard she recall it by saying 'head', 'shoulders', 'knees', 'eyes', and 'nose' on her own.

I was laughing my heart out.

Life is good.

Saturday, January 2

Welcome 2010

I dreaded a bit writing about new year resolution. Especially for this year. I've been in holiday mood and not thinking about anything too seriously for a month now. And it felt great.

For the time being, all I can think of that I wanna do are:-
  • have a slumber party with the gurls (i wanna gossip till the sun goes up)
  • travel around Malaysia esp visit Sabah and Sarawak (If I manage to travel whole NZ, I should be able to do this in my own country)
  • road trip with friends (doesn't matter far or near)
  • attend someone's wedding that is truly my own friend (I never been to my own rfiend's wedding. It had always been my mom's or dad's friends or relatives. This year, I want to attend my own friend's wedding. Or at least their brothers or sisters. I want to receive the invitation card with my name)

So, I finally found my last year resolution, here.

There were :=
  • watching a circus - I always wanted to see it
  • going to a fun fair with ferris wheel and cute games with a guy would win me a huge teddy
  • Australia trip - Miss my gurl frens or some of the guys too
  • Nintendo Wii - I just thought that's the gadget for me
I manage to complete three from the four. I didn't have a chance to buy Nintendo Wii. I'm to flat broke last year. Doing the other three on the list.

I did brag about this stuff before, here.

I am going to carry forward the dream of possessing Nintendo Wii to this year.