productivity is the key

I havent done anything productive this week. Been keeping all the assignments on hold. I guess all the suppressed feeling from the week before is affecting my cognitive skills to function properly. Hence, the no blog post in a week. Yet all the thoughts in the world run freely in my head. Not that freely though. It just circles continuously there. Turning round and round in my head. Not going anywhere.

I got this proposition, ego correlates with insecurities. If one ego is so huge, they might not have so much insecurity. One big, one must be smaller than the other. If you are egoistic, you gotta be so confident to be so. You must never self-doubt yourself. However, one egoistic feeling might become smaller when the insecurities become higher. You are so aware of everything around you leaving you feeling so small.

I used to have such a huge ego. I know that. I would say, now I have more and more insecurities. I used not to care about anything. I just live as I pleased. Now, everything that people say stuck in my head. You are supposed to do this. That is not suitable for you. My ego has become smaller with the increase of my insecurities.

That is a fact.

I hate that fact.