my determination and my excuses

I have been meaning to wear 'anak tudung' for some time now. I guess the my determination suits well with the Ramadhan this year. My personal goal is by the end of Ramadhan, I'll get use to wearing 'anak tudung' underneath my scarf and stick by it.

I am not much of 'anak tudung' person (Is there such thing as 'anak tudung' person?). In Malaysia, I find it quite warm to wear it, which is just an excuse, I know. I did not wear it even when I was in school which supposedly to be a requirement. I got away with it just fine. And, I got used not to wearing it.

Abroad, I just got myself to control myself (not a good thing). It didn't do me any good since sometimes I found myself even without scarf. Came the new year, I find myself quite determine wearing the scarf (I do slip sometimes, but not as much as last year).

Lucky for me, my mom left a few of her 'anak tudung' (three to be exact) behind when she visited during the summer. Since, I never owned 'anak tudung' before, this is a great oppurtunity to start trying to wear 'anak tudung'.

Which I tried a few times before Ramadhan.

It does not go well with me. The purpose of not showing my strands of hair does not go to well by wearing 'anak tudung'. My hair somehow manage to find ways getting free and showing themselves.

It is also not comfy wearing 'anak tudung' after many years not wearing it. That is even before Ramadhan.

During Ramadhan, I stick with not wearing 'anak tudung', to a point which I am not certain yet until when.

p/s: This strand of hair keep coming out due to my current hair style.

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On the same note:

Last week, when I visited school, one Philippines student ask me about my scarf, and I just simply said, to cover my hair from men seeing them. I did not feel like going into details about religion and requirement and all with him being in immersion class and me not confident enough explaining it all in English.

He, then, pointing to all my hair visible despite my head scarf and said, "I can see your hair. There. There."

That hurt. Like hell.

In my defence, it was almost last period and I had assignment due that evening and I did not sleep well two nights in a row before and I was a mess all over.

Though, deep down I know there are all excuses.