I want to travel around Malaysia this year

Watch movies on my laptop tonight. Nope, I'm not going out to 'celebrate' New Year. Every New Year is just celebrated indoor for me. Will gugu-gaga at fireworks from my balcony only.

I despise crowd. I hate strangers standing too close to me. Indoor is the way to go for me.

I just wanna share some quotes in Public Enemies said by John Dillinger (Johnny Depp). Something like this ..

"People like to judge others for where they come from
but they actually should judge people for where they are going to."

I thought it is nice and wise.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Say what you mean .....

...... Mean what you say

Apa maksudnya kalau kawan kita yang dahulunya sangat rapat dengan kita tapi semakin renggang mengusulkan kepada kita supaya jangan lupa dia, kekalkan persahabatan dan jangan benci dia apabila kita menguhubunginya dan dia tak pernah menjadi yang pertama yang menghulur salam persahabatan? Dia hanya mahu kita untuk cuba mengekalkan sedangkan dia tak pedulikan.

My nose is running

I think I'm going to be the cool aunt. Or is it I'm already a cool aunt?

I don't directly have nieces and nephews for real like from my brothers. But I have plenty from my cousins. (Orang kedah kata 'mak menakan pupu'). All my cousins from my mom's side is married and have kids. As for my elder brother, who knows?

Well, for me, I think, I'm going to be the aunt that the kids ask for opinions on matters like boys/girls, music or movies. The kind of aunt kids will discuss about their crush(es). The kind of aunt the kids gonna confide about holding hands with their lovers. The kids gonna entrust me with the secrets that their mom going to kill them for. The kind of aunt that brings the kids to let nyte outings and shows.

I will provide advice and best way to style the hair. Or the perfect colour for nails. The best band to listen to. The movies to avoid. The one who brings them to concerts or shows. The one that will introduce them to fancy foods and magazines. The one that will bring them places other than zoo and museum.

Yup, all that.

The first time I felt this is when I was hanging out with my nieces. We were just chilling in my room listening to Taylor Swift and gossiping about artist. Disney artist that is. The nieces are too young to know Jolie, Gardner, Pitt or Cruise. So we talked about Hannah Montana and Lizzie McGuire and Jonas Brothers. While complaining about the nagging grandmothers.

I feel young again. I guess I can still relate to them in that level. The feeling of constantly being nag to or being reminded to eat. Stuff like that.

Now, who wants me as their aunt? Or want me to be around for your kid?

*

I guess I'm the kinda girl who despise choosing. I really can't choose. I am always scared that I might hurt someone with my choice.

But, I'm the kinda girl who knows what I want.


*
I think I mentioned this before, it's really tiring to please people. To put others before you. To ensure that everyone is happy and fulfill.

Pale in comparison

I think I have put my life on hold.

I haven't changed the clock at my laptop to be Malaysian time or the Azan software to show Malaysian prayer time. Or the weather forecast widget.

I haven't unsubscribed emails from New Zealand's shop. I still know promotions happening in Dressmart or Warehouse. I still got notification about discounts from Kathhmandu and Portmans.

It's not like I don't have time to do all the stuff. I have time. I just don't want to be bothered by all these little stuffs. It's like I'm trying to hold on to something uncertain. It's like if I unsubscribed those stuff, my memories may be deleted. If I dare change the littlest things, I might forgotten the feeling of being a student living abroad.

Yellow crawlers on the wall

Semalam balik kampung. Ke Kedah.
Hari ni mama ajak pergi Bukit Wang. Main air sungai. Oh bestnye~

Dalam perjalanan, singgah R&R nak solat. Then you realize you miss the small things when you are away. Like R&R. Like the facilities to pray throughout the journey if needed. Lovely~

Masa tunggu mama solat, ternampak cicak. Banyak. Then I realize, kat NZ takde cicak. I smiled to myself knowing that I miss those little creepy creature too. Rasanya ada 6,7 ekor cicak atas shilling hari tuh and they were happy. Playing around.

sigh, smallest things do make ones day.

one step at a time

Living at home has been a blast for me. Just like living in dormitory but instead of with girls, its with boys. They are different kind than the usual girls that I used to live with. Different, but fun nonetheless. Less gossiping or pillow talk. More screaming. More sports talks. More remote snatching. Louder laughs. Basically, more testosterone.

It's fun to live in the moment.

yea yeah

This is HR.

He is wearing one of the t-shirts I made for him. It's his band name. He loves it. Only after a while he said to me, "Mana ada ahli band pakai t-shirt band sendiri." I never thought about that fact.

*
To the man ...

who would carry all the heavy stuff for me
who would listen when I keep on ranting
who would be patient when I am out of my mind
who entertain my childish demand
who helps me cook even when it feels to girlish
who loves different music than I do
who cares for his guitar more than he cares for his gf
who makes lovely symphony for me
who eats like there will be no tomorrow
who thinks only within the moment
who loves to get adrenaline rush yet closing his squinty eyes
who likes to ramble on about fun facts of his musical stuff
who is MY MAN!!

Happy Birthday sayang.

Hisyam Rock

p/s: If u ever call me kakak, I wont give you your present.

Senyum itu sedekah la kakak kaunter

*

Agak-agak menarik tak kalo Fear Factor suruh orang puteh makan sambal petai yg pedas gila. Bukan sahaja sangat-sangat pedas tapi berbau jugak. Mesti fear is a factor nanti. Hahaha

*

Aku culture-shock di Malaysia. Pelik kan? Macam mana boleh shock dalam culture sendiri? Tapi aku memang shock lah~

*

Meet Uncle Dashilah

*

Aku dari hari tu dok tertanya-tanya dalam hati kenapa rakyat Malaysia tak ambil peluang menggunakan Touch 'n' Go? Bukan kah lebih mudah dan tak payah susah-susah nak beratur? Sekarang aku tahu, rupanya sebab susah nak top up Touch 'n' Go. Itu aku yang alami. Payah bebenor~

*
Memang tak dapat disangkal lagi, rakyat Malaysia memang banyak. Banyak gila. Gila-gila punya banyak.

All that I need

It's like stepping into my own mind. Only years younger. I can almost smell the sweet demure innocent girl that I was. I am still all that just with more maturity, I think.

That's what I think of my room.

My mom keeps it the way it was.

Looking at all the pictures that I hang on my walls, all turned a bit yellowish portraying the absence of the room's owners. All smiley and younger version of me. I got lotsa teddy around the room and when I saw them, I smiled. They look just the same. The books that I am so proud of owning, like Sweet Valley Jr High Collection, seemed a bit childish-like to keep on possessing.

I think to myself, I am going to need to re-invent my room to suit the me now.

Plus, there is no more space for the new wardrobe.

Here in my heart

I am safely in my cocoon now. Home sweet home.

Arrived safely last night. Saw my mom's sweet face first after scrunching my eyes. Yup, I'm that rabun and that lazy to reach for my spectacles. Only after a while I saw more familiar faces. Arif, Nana, Roja, Ejat and Jai ofkos. Then, we head to KMB to visit my brother who is preparing for exams.

Yes, my dad had prepared KFC for me earlier and I had my dinner again there (apparently, the MAS flight has feed us but I need more). Lovely surrounding and faces. Great chat and catch up.

I couldn't help myself and finally admits defeat and said to them, "PANAS AH!!" They just laughed and honour me the front seat of the car to be closer to the aircond. (Kesian kot dok tgk aku mengibas baju je).

Come set date with me so we can catch up.

Selamat malam kekasih gelapku

Apparently, I cant really deal with goodbyes. I tend to ignore it or avoid it completely. Haish.

You don't love me anymore

Why do I bother to care even when people said it is unnecessary? Why do I did what I did? Why do I bother to please you? Why do I think you would care?

Why continue hurting my feeling? Why keep pointing sarcastic remarks at me?

My 200th post

I watched 2012 just now. Sorta a reward for myself after being such a good girl. I studied so hard for my exam. And this evening marked my last exam for the year. I said its sorta a reward because I actually rather watch My Sister's Keeper than 2012. HR insisted on 2012.

Plus, I have a principle about watching a movie at cinemas. The movie should be worthwhile to watch in terms of sound system and graphic. So, a drama like My Sister's Keeper lost hands down to an action pack 2012.

Still, I love John Cusack!

Anyway, I don't like the movie. I really dont. The movie portray about the future and the destruction. A lot of people die. You can see the flood and all. I cried a lot during the movie. Every scene made me grip my hand so tight. I screamed a lot too.

My reward should make me happier and portray the end of books and assignments for the year. Instead the movie made me sad. Devastated. Scared. I dont like it. Oh, it also has some illogical stunt that made me go, "Eh?!"

You should watch it for yourself though.

Yeeha!!!

I am expecting

• a great lunch soon eaten at 4.30pm
  
• an exam tomorrow
• a huge celebration after exam
  
• two great buddies coming to visit the day after tomorrow
• bringing and showing them around for days after that
  
• road trips after exam
  
• my dad is visiting soon
• more road trips with daddy dearest
  
• Farewell Dinner
• Expensive flight back to Malaysia
• Eating KFC
• Seeing familiar faces welcoming me~
  

My heart is exploding with joy and happiness.
I cant wait.

It's on the tip of my tongue

I have been thinking what to write for a while. Trying to explain the absence of idea. Trying to share the great smile that I have been putting on. Trying to spread the happiness. Trying to keep all the secrets inside.

I am hungry.

Magical

French finger tips, red lips, b!tch is dangerous
Cotton candy kiss, can’t wait for my sugar rush
Can’t take no more, I’ve got to have more tonight
This feeling so strong, I’m puttin’ you on tonight
- Lace and Leather


Christchurch
Day One

Ma Mama

My favourite movie of all time is White Chicks. The movie never fails to crack me up. Always. I think I have watched that movie more than 50 times. One of the scenes that I like is when Megan and Heather tried to have sort of put down Tiffany and Brittany with the 'mama' stuff.

*

White chicks: My God. You want to talk about mother? You want to talk about mothers. lt's mother time. Okay... Your mother's so dumb she went to Dr. Dre for a Pap smear. Something's wrong, Dr. Dre. My coochie's doing a beatbox.

Heather / Megan : Yeah? Well, your mother is so stupid... she exercises when she could just get... liposuction or something.

White chicks: Your mother's so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this.

Heather / Megan : Your mother is so, like.... She's so.... Megan, you go. Your mother is so stupid... that she goes to Barneys Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch... and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a ''ni-coise'' salad. ''Ni-coise'' salad, right?

White chicks: Your mother's ass is so hairy... it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say, ''Only in America!''

Heather / Megan : Your mother's so stupid... that she goes into Gucci and she tries to buy, like, Fendi and stuff.

*

That's just an intro.

If I ever gonna do the 'stunt', I would go like

My mom is so cool that we can just communicate through Yahoo Messenger. She can easily buzz me to chat. And it is for free. Plus, she also loves webchat.

My mom is so cool that she has her own blog. Which she updates frequently and talks about important academic stuff.

My mom is so cool that she has a Facebook account. She regularly uses and updates. She even plays games and beats me.

Anyway, for the greatest mom in the world whom I love very very much,

Happy Birthday.
May you always look younger and fairer.
May you are blessed with great health.
May you have all the happiness in the world.
May you enjoy all the wealth showered over you.

It is a blessed to have mom who is technologically literate. Just yesterday as we were chatting, she advised me to always be thankful and never look too high up the sky and be too proud. And truly, I am thankful for a wonderful mom like you.

All my life I've been searching for somethin' Somethin' never comes, never leads to nuthin' Nothin' satisfies, but I'm gettin' close

I am always worried there will be one point in a relationship, where there is nothing else to share. We have told this other half about everything that is needed to know. Until there is nothing left to cherish. Will the unknowing future be enough?

I am always scared if I am unable to say the right words to people in need. What would be the best advice to say to someone who just lost their parents? Shall I be happy and hope that my happiness somehow influence that person. Shall I keep all the thought that I wish to say to myself? Would consolation and a cup of coffee be enough to mend a broken heart?

I am terrified if there will come to a day when the one who I love don't tell me their deepest fear, troubles and secrets. They no longer trust me to unload their burden. They no longer say what they usually share with the dearest one like me. They keep this weight to themselves.

I know what I'll always do. I always retreat back to my shell. Trying to ignore these thoughts in my head. I believe in 'it's not a problem unless you verbalize it'. Ignoring these is the best way I can cope. I know this is stupid and senseless, but that's just how my mechanism works.

Company and Cofffee

I really like to go out for drinks with friends and talk about stuff. I find it so exciting and such a great way to release all the tense I am having. During the drinks, there will be exchanging of secrets, sharing problems, providing solutions to the problems, and of course gossips. Oh, we also talks about the latest world issue. Like, how cute is Suri and how gorgeous is Drew Barrymore.

Lately, my hangout buddies has been males. Most of the time. So the topic changes a bit. No, not the gossip part. They gossip just fine. From flicking through women magazines, I find myself joining them to flick through gadgets 'zine. Checking out the latest and most canggih camera and what not. The boys do flick at the women magazine, but for different reasons than us girls.

Nevertheless, I love it when I'm bored in the middle of the night, I can go recruiting some friends to join me for late nite recap of the week. It is just a great life. Especially now as a cup of coffee does not feel that expensive anymore with Acap's endless of Esquires coupons.

p/s: Can't wait to go back to Malaysia and catch up with friends.

You can't handle the truth

You don't like me, i don't like you, it don't matter
Only difference, you still listen, i don't have to
In one ear and, out the other, i don't need you

Your words don't stick, i ain't perfect, but you ain't either

- Kill the lights (Britney Spears)


Yup, that statue is topless.

Alternatively, bugger off!

Gambar Hiasan: Taken from Barney's Blog

I believe that I am somewhat feminist. Not an extremist like I wanna be equal to men kinda thing. I think I like knowing that men are the stronger kind and SHOULD help out everytime needed. Especially for heavy lifting purposes.

My kinda feminism is mostly revolving around not liking men puttting down women just because they are women and women all are stereotypical. I really don't like it when other men put down my fellow girlfriends. Even when I don't like her. Even when I know what he said is true. Even when I said the same thing to other GIRLS.

I just don't like men labeling or criticizing another girl. Not in front of me. Especially, when he said it because it is typical women behaviour. For instance, Ahmad said Aminah never washes herself and is always dirty. Which may be true. And he start rambles on about Aminah's other flaws and related it with being a women. Ahmad's tone is enough to make me defend Aminah, my sworn enemy. To Ahmad, my lover. Just because I am a girl.

p/s: btw, if you are my close friend, don't worry, I'll never joined in when people are talking bad about you behind your back, I'll just listen. No, I won't report it backt o you either. However, bear in mind that I won't likely to defend you also (because I am a chickenshit).

Excressing = Excited + Depressing

Yesterday was the official last lecture I attended in New Zealand.
It was Language Teaching 301.
It was with Tan Bee Tin.
I have mixed feelings.
Though I love that I don't have to attend lectures anymore,

I betcha I am going to miss it.

I am now left with two assignments to submit
and two exam papers to sit.
I am going to leave New Zealand soon.
For good.

p/s: I haven't slept yet tonight in order to finish the assignment which is due today.

Pasrah

Last Friday went out with some friends to see the light show by Telecom.

me with my lovely blue top. newly bought bargain at warehouse, $7.49.

The show was amazing. But the company was even more awesome. I don't really know the science behind the show and how did the lights stuff work yet it just some light projected to a building that change and further enhance the beauty and uniqueness of the building.

No light on the building yet

Ancient look

Cougar look

Happy colourful look

Blob look

with one of the crew

Interactive light

Move move for the light

me and the girls.
went out for drinks after the night.

me and HR.


I'll end this post with Acap's new album.
Buy original. Be original.
Or just torrent it.
Who cares.

I dub thee unforgiven

Do you know how stupid and heartless I can be? I can be quite a queen bitch. I know that.

During Eid the other day, I attempted to avoid to 'salam beraya' with some people. I pretend to be immersed in conversation when certain someone looked like trying to salam2. Ieven moved to a different room or something like that. I ensured that I did everything I could to avoid them.

The thing is when 'salam beraya' you have to forgive the person and ask for forgiveness from the other person. I dont mind asking for forgiveness.

My only intention for doing so is because I refused to forgive what they have done to me and how they made me feel. I felt that what they have done shall not be forgiven ever and they should be punished or feel guitly or live in sin forever. EMO kan?

I think they deserve that.

Then, Ati said something that made me snap out of it . Sedangkan Nabi pun maafkan umat, sapa la kita tak nak maafkan orang. She said that on the first day of Eid.

There are some other stuffs that she said that melted my stone heart.

I even find the person first and said the magic word. "Maafkan salah silap aku zahir dan batin dan halalkan makan minum".

After that, I felt a bit calmer. All the grudge that I held for that certain someone, disappear.

Nowadays, when people talk about that certain someone and some stories that involved me and the fallout and what not, I just smile. I refused to indulge other people curiosity. However, I still enjoy listening to gossip about these certain people.

Gossip is just interesting.

THE DEVIL WEARS HEROES BRAND

Mari menyanyi

Ayahku pulang dari kota

Ayahku belikan kereta
Kereta kecil warna merah
Boleh ku bawa ke sekolah

Pon Pon Pon Pon Pon Pon Pon
Kereta kecilku berbunyi
Marilah adik mari naik
Boleh ku bawa jumpa nenek

HR kata lagu ni sedari kecil lagi membuatkan dia keliru. Pelikkan? Lagu gembira ini pun boleh menyebabkan dia berfikir dengan begitu mendalam. Dia memang suka fikir benda-benda yang sedikit tidak relevan.

Dia tak faham konsep lagu tersebut dan sibuk tanya aku untuk penjelasan.

Kereta tu kereta mainan ke kereta betul? Dia bawa ke sekolah tu untuk main ke betul-betul boleh pandu ke rumah nenek? Boleh ke adik-adik naik kalau kereta tu kereta mainan? Kenapa nak bawak ke rumah nenek? Aku hanya jawab, sebab nenek itu nenek kebayan.

Dia senyap sebentar sebelum buka topik baru.

Buruk siku

Dalam kami bersembang-sembang dari satu topik ke topik yang lain, HR pesan kepada aku,

"Jangan sesekali mengungkit tentang pemberian. Terutama kalau sedang bertekak.
Kalau dah bagi, kena ikhlas."

Aku angguk saja. Diam. Dalam kepala proses nasihat. Cuba amalkan. Cuba. Cuba. Cuba.

The Influence of Social Factors on the English Proficiency of B. Ed. (TESL) Foundation Cohort 4 Students in IPBA

Aku tahu aku sedikit loser apabila aku mengaku aku pernah google nama sendiri. Menarik ok resultnya. Oh, semalam google nama sendiri dan jumpa ini.

Aku senyum sendiri.

Senyum bangga ok!

Dah tak terasa loser pun~

Language or Linguistics

Harituh terdengar perbualan dua makcik di tempat kerja. Eavesdropping sebab aku malas mendail. Depa sembang dan bertukar pendapat tentang kemungkinan sebab-musabab orang-orang yang tak cekap berbahasa Inggeris berhijrah / menetap di negara yang populasinya menggunakan bahasa tersebut.

Aku dengar makcik A bising-bising, kalau tak reti cakap, kenapa nak menetap jugak? Macam mana nak komunikasi atau hidup dengan keselesaan di negara ini. Makcik B mengiyakan ja. Dia sokong pendapat makcik A. Kemudian aku dah tak ambil pusing sebab aku sambung ja mendail tapi kejauhan aku dengar jugak makcik A tetap sambung membebel tak puas hati (komplenje keje ko ye makcik, dail tanak~).

Tapi, aku selalu juga terfikir tentang persoalan itu. Terutama kalau lepas mendail ke rumah-rumah manusia yang hanya cakap, "No English!" dan megulangnya untuk sepuluh kali ketika aku sudah penat membebel. Yang memang betul-betul tak faham. Kalau makcik / pakcik tua, mungkin boleh la kasi peluang sebab mungkin diorang ikut anak-anak berhijrah. Yang muda-mudi ni. Haish~

Aku tahu tentang isu walaupun tak boleh berbahasa Inggeris, seseorang tetap boleh maju. Banyak peniaga di sini pun yang bukan orang NZ. Boleh saja untuk hidup. Tapi kalau kita nak menetap di satu negara tersebut, haruslah tahu bahasanya atau sekurang-kurangya tahu lingua franca, yang mana selalunya bahasa Inggeris. Penting kot komunikasi ni~

Itu hanya pendapat aku lah kan.

Lagi yang aku tak setuju, bilamana kanak-kanak muda dari negara luar di hantar ke NZ untuk belajar. Kononnya, sistem pendidikan di NZ sangat bagus dan cemerlang. Itu bukan isunya,baguslah kot sistem pendidikan tersebut.

Isu yang aku hairankan ialah sanggup makbapak kanak-kanak tersebut habiskan wang juta-juta untuk hantar kanak-kanak ini jauh-jauh demi tuntut ilmu. Belajar bahasa Inggeris. Belajar pelbagai ilmu. Selalunya, mereka akan dihantar seorang diri (tanpa keluarga dan akan tinggal di homestays) pada usia muda. Bagi aku, sesetengah kanak-kanak ini terlampau muda. Tak boleh beza baik buruk lagi.

Sesetengahnya pula terlampau kaya. Spesis bodoh sombong. Aku tak kisah kalau yang datang jauh-jauh, hantar dengan wang jutaan ringgit jika kanak-kanak ini betul-betul rajin belajar. Sanggup bersusah payah dan mencari ilmu. Ini tidak, dengan sombongnya, bodoh lagi, memang mintak penampar. Ini bukan semua la. Yang tertentu saja. Membazir saja wang juta-juta kalau apa cikgu ajar kau tak amik peduli dan apa cikgu suruh kau tak patuh. Itu aku kurang peduli - gasak kau lah!

Aku lebih pentingkan tentang yang kanak-kanak ribena yang sepatutnya riang ini. Apabila minda-minda muda ini dihantar ke NZ, mereka memang kebanyakannya memang fresh mindanya. Hantar dengan bahasa Inggeris yang hampir zero levelnya. Tahap kematangan pun rendah yang amat. Kalau betul pun NZ ni bagus sangat sistem pendidikannya, takkan lah hantar kanak-kanak ini begitu sahaja. Muda sangat plak tuh.

Aku simpulkan, kalau mereka ni betul-betul muda, mereka macam belum boleh lihat keberkesanan atau pengorbanan makbapak mereka lakukan semata-mata nak beri peluang untuk anak-anak belajar di luar negara. Mungkin tunggu mature sedikit baru hantar ke negara yang asing kepangkuan orang yang tak dikenali.



Sedangkan aku yang ke NZ pada umur 21 pun meraung dan menangis, inikan pula kanak-kanak hingusan tersebut.

Malam ni HR akan jadi Mr Hyde lagi.

Aku rasa tahap kerabunan aku makin parah. Tapi aku sangat tidak gemar memakai alat bantuan penglihatan tersebut. Aku tak suka rasa dependent kepada perkara sebegitu. Ini kerana aku malas untuk membawanya ke mana-mana.

Aku mendapati sangat sukar untuk aku nampak slides show lecturers tanpa alat bantuan penglihatan yang mana aku sentiasa tertinggal. Aku juga jarang nampak jikamana ada orang yang melambai dari kejauhan. Aku akan kecikkan mata aku sekecik-keciknya untuk fokus. Melihat siapa gerangan yang melambai. Kepada aku kah?

Haish, dah la aku tak berapa kenal orang.

Mahu alat bantuan baru. Yang lebih glamour. Yang mana aku takkan tinggalkan dan sentiasa pakai.




p/s: Klik sini untuk mengetahui lebih lanjut tentang sindrom Jekyll and Hyde HR.
p/p/s: Malam ni ada konsert NOFX dan Bad Religion di Auckland

Audience of One

Dari Diari Seorang Acap

Sangat senang untuk bercakap
Sangat susah untuk berkata

Sangat senang untuk melihat
Sangat susah untuk memandang

Sangat senang untuk berjalan
Sangat susah untuk melangkah

Sangat senang untuk membuat
Sangat susah untuk mengekalkan


Sangat senang untuk menangis
Sangat susah untuk menyesali

Sangat senag dan sangat susah
Itulah dunia yang penuh dengan senang dan susah
Kita yang menghuninya
mengisinya dengan 'sangat'.


-Asyrafatin-

I just thought it was well said.

p/s: HR hasn't being romantic in a while.

Siapa dia sebelum daku?

Hatiku berdetik kegembiraan dan aku tersenyum sendirian
bila aku dengar jawapan kekasih kepada teman baikku.

Aku tanya dia, "Rindu si ...?".
Dia jawab "Rindu..."
(Nama dirahsiakan di sini)

Rasa macam comel.
Walaupun bukan kekasih sendiri.

Dia mengaku kepada aku tentang perasaan rindunya.
Comel la.

He does not know it but he is my hero.

I meant to write about this earlier. But somehow deep down, I know that if I post this earlier I might make my mom worriedsick (well, she reads my blog). So, I decided to wait after raya. Just to ensure that she wont freak out to soon and is able to enjoy her raya.

The story is that my mom told me earlier that she already posted my baju raya and she said something about it might take more than two weeks to arrive. So, I marked my calendar, to be ready in case the postman buzz me to pick up parcel. And just around what time shall I expect the parcel.

So, one morning, as I was leisurely waiting at my office before the clock strike 10 am and I officially need to start work, my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number. I was a bit shocked but remained professional nonetheless.

It was my apartment building manager. He sorta started asking if I am Dzeti Alfina (cant really remember how he pronounce my name or my Malaysian home's address. But if it was not for the serious matter, I might just laugh because it was hilarious).

Asking me this weird questions like if I am staying in my current address and other weird stuff (at this point not knowing who he was and why he is calling). Being a professional phone interviewer, I was a bit reluctant to share the details. I asked him first the reason of his call. After listening to him, my heart skip a bit. Deym you post people!

He said that he found a parcel addressed to me in a garbage bin.

He sorta thought the postman left the parcel outside my post box (because parcel too big compared to post box). Maybe some inconsiderate stupid people throw the parcel out. Because it was left there for days. I rarely checked my post box. But he was just assuming that.

The parcel arrived after 6 days instead of more than two weeks. I was not prepared to check my mailbox daily to anticipate for my pretty baju raya yet (I was supposed to do that the next week). Bravo for the speed. Not so much for the delivery.

When I saw him to pick up the parcel, I asked him why don't the postman buzz me or left a call card like usual. He said, maybe because this :

See there. No signature required.
So he can just not send the parcel.
Or leave it anywhere he wanted.

It was a blessing that I did got the parcel after all. And my building manager becomes my hero. I used to be skeptical towards him. For no reason. Stop judging people, dzeti. He just looked weird for a building manager.

Here are the parcel's pictures before being torn open by me and me screaming happily to see my pretty baju raya. You've seen my baju raya. No need for me to show pictures here.

Thank you mama.

Despite that, I was happy. I straight away tried it on and snapped a few pictures and YM it to my mom. At that point, I havent told her any of this. Just told her the happy part that it fits and I looked so deym glamorous. This post is just sorta reminder to others if you wanna send parcel and such. Oh, and bragging about my pretty baju raya, mind you.

Moral of the story : For future reference, please ensure that your parcel needs to be signed upon receiving.

p/s: If I can, I will try not to make my mom worried much. Especially with her being faraway. I understand that being a faraway mom is hard on her as she is unable to care and love enough for her children. I want her to always know that I am a happy and well. Always. Thus, worrying is not a feeling I wish for her to have.

Sukan Air

Semalam lepas hanta esaimen, buat pool party. Takde la party sangat, cuma berendam sampai bau klorin menyengat satu badan dan mata merah je. Bila bagitau mama nama-nama orang yang berendam bersama-sama, mama tanya,

"Tak melimpah ke air kolam tuh?"

Ketawa sahaja.

Mungkin jugak melimpah sebab Min kata kolam tu sangat dalam. Dia kena jengket. Selama ni berendam, tak rasa pun dalam. Haish.

Ini bukan kisah si Tanggang

Orang kata kalau kutuk-kutuk jangan sekali libatkan makbapak.

Orang kata lagi, kalau dia berperangai *sedemkian jangan nak salahkan makbapak.

Setuju.

Lagipun, kita tak kenal sangat pun makbapak dia. Tak tahu pun macam mana makbapak dia didik dia. Tak pasti pun punca perangai *sedemikian. Mungkin makbapak dia dah nasihat banyak-banyak kali. Tapi dia degil.

Kalaupun itu salah makbapak dia, kalau dia dah dewasa maka dia dah ada pemikiran sendiri. Haruslah gunakan akal itu untuk memilih tidak mngikut jejak langkah makbapak. Dan kalau buat salah, pandai-pandai la tanggung sendiri dan jangan nak salahkan orang lain. Atau cuba rasionalkan perbuatan* sedemikian. Terutama didikan makbapak. Lainla kalau, dia adalah kanak-kanak ribena lagi.

Lagipun, bila dah besar panjang, tak ramai makbapak yang betol-betol tahu apa aktiviti anaknya. Tambahan akitiviti *sedemikian. Bukan sebab tak amik tahu tapi lebih kepada anak-anak tanak beritahu atau jenis yang beritahu separuh-separuh saja. Tambahan yang jauh di mata.

Anak-anak pulak, jangan lupa, kita sentiasa membawa nama makbapak kita. Terutama di kawasan orang suka bergossip. Setiap tindakan, pastikan kita sentiasa menjaga nama baik mereka. Berfikir sebelum bertindak.

*sedemikian = letaklah perangai yang tak elok yang kau mahu.

Looks can be deceiving

Hey Stephen, I could give you fifty reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well, they're beautiful
But would they write a song for you?

- Taylor Swift


Me in my room with my pink baju raya before Raya celebration.

Can't wait for the Hari Raya

Haish~

I jinx my possibilities in a month-full fasting as I mentioned it too early in my blog. Now, I no longer can.

Succeeded making my one kuih raya dis year. Just one.

Eaten most of them while doing it in noon

p/s: So comel when somebody searched at Google for cupcake raya and got misled to my blog instead.

sentiasa buat aku tersenyum

sampai bila-bila

Sea Deep Love

It is never easy arranging/organising something for another 26 people to agree. Individuals have different needs and desires. Catering to each one of them is, in short, pain in the ass. So far, I’ve manage to do just fine by ignoring some and maybe doing consensus decision.

HR always been the one person I babble at about stuff I have to endure while I manage some of the cohort stuff. Even when sometimes I am so furious at some stupid excuses that people provide. He will listen. As he always does. Or I'll make him listen anyway. Nodding when required and saying stuff when appropriate.

I am not complaining about the workload. Or the stuff I have to do to ensure we can still call ourselves a cohort. I don’t mind doing it at all as long as people cooperate with me. Be a considerate person. It is just common courtesy.

An example so close to my mind is during the sailing trip I organised, I opened a poll for people to vote. 14 out of 26 people voted. All you have to do is click a mouse. And maybe some thinking if you wish to. Was it that hard? Are you that deym busy? Like I have nothing better to do? I volunteered myself to do all the hardwork coz I know no one will and Sheryll will continue ranting on if not, you just have to do the simple stuff. Choosing from the options I have painstakingly provided.

Ok. Enough feeling sorry for myself.

HR once suggested to me, just for my ears that everyone should once organise an event so that they can feel the pressure and the burden so that next time they know to always cooperate. Or care. And I just laughed.

When Ramadhan was nearing last month, I was a bit worried if people requested for ‘Cohort 4 Iftar’ or ‘Cohort 4 Raya’. I am in no mood to organise one. And somebody asked. I mean a lot of people asked actually, I just simply said I have no idea. Even that I like the idea but I have no desire at all to arrange one. Luckily Farah stepped up and volunteered to lead one iftar nite. Yay! It was a blast with great food.

Then, somebody suggested Raya Celebration, I asked Farah if she wanted to continue her success work, she, with-high-spirited said no. I just laughed. She said she have enough already. After some persuasions, Min and Pikah agreed to be the host of the Raya Celebration which will be held this Monday.

I am still thinking about the dish that I'm gonna cook for that day. I hope I will get inspiration soon.

Anyway,

Selamat Hari Raya

Maaf Zahir Batin

p/s: I am going to be a teacher one day and this stuff will just be some experience that I can look back one day and think of ways to improve my leadership skills.

dam dim dum bunyi mercun

Bila tgk org letak link blog kat blog mereka pastuh akan kelihatan la bila blog tersebut latest update. Aku jadi sedikit tekanan bila tgk blog dekat link blog aku tertera 'one week ago'. Aku tau takdak sapa peduli pun tapi aku akan rasa oblige untuk bagi link blog aku jadi '2 hours ago' atau apa2 la yg sewaktu dengannya. Haruslah kena update. Sengal kan aku? Tetapi sesungguhnya ketahuilah, aku bangga sangat kalo anda letak link blog aku. Ye, aku bangga. Terima Kasih. Aku akan kerap lawat blog anda, sebab nak tgk nama blog sendiri. Loser sedikit kan?

nampak tak link aku? 4 days ago
ini dari blog nye si nisah

Aku lemah sedikit kalo bab2 kalo komen blog orang pastuh kena verification. Atau beli tiket online. Sebab aku mmg slow bab2 melihat huruf2 tersebut. Mesti kena buat 2-3 kali. Memang tak terer ah, penah sampai givap. Memang aku sengal.

Ha, mcm ni la. Payah tau utk aku

Semalam HR ajak shopping raya. Mak aih, kalo shopping ngan perempuan penat, dengan lelaki pun sama je. Dah lama takde kasut raya. Tahun ni ada kasut raya untuk cik Dzeti. Azam tahun ni nak p raya dekat tempat tak perlu buka kasut, baru la umpph tayang kasut raya. Tahun ni tak buat kuih raya. Malas~ Oh ye tahun ni puasa penoh. Rasanya mcm first time. Masa kecik2 dulu mcm ada je yg tinggal sebab demam la penat la. Bila besar tinggal sebab benda lain. Penoh babe! Bangga~


Aku pantang sedikit kalo orang tak balas sms aku bagi. Dah. No further comment.

Sudah terang lagikan bersuluh

HR pernah tanya, kalau orang tuh tak update2 blog dia, adakah orang tersebut sedang menjalani hidup yang supercool hingga tak berkesempatan untuk mem'blog' tentangnya, ataupun hidupnya terlampau superdull sehingga tiada apa yang worth it untuk di'blog'kan?

Aku senyap saja.

Sebab aku tau, dia cuba rasionalkan sebab2 dia tak update2 blog. Seseungguhnya aku tak mau rasionalnya. Aku hanya mau dia update blog dia.

Muka tipikal HR.
Btw, rambut botak ini aku yang potong ketika lewat malam.
Ini pun dah kira panjang semula.

a lesson

Ada kala Tuhan berikan sedikit kesusahan kepada kita

sebab Dia nak kita belajar untuk menghargai dan bersyukur..

Lalala~

3 Words 8 letters. Say it and I'm yours.

IDK why today I'm very rajin to blog. Anyway, as I was searching for materials for next assignment, I accidentally click Malaysian Artist Gossip site and I found something shocking. I feel like sharing it with you guys.

Aku tau, tajuk memang dramatik. Isi copy paste je.

Norman Abdul Halim, 37, melangsungkan perkahwinan dengan Shireen Mardziah Hashim, 44, pada 7 Ogos 2009 di Masjid Saidina Umar Al-Khattab, Bukit Damansara. Akad nikah disempurnakan dengan hanya sekali lafaz. Norman ialah abang sulung kumpulan KRU dan yang paling lambat berkahwin selepas Edry dan Yusry. Norman ialah CEO Kumpulan KRU Studio manakala Shireen ialah CEO KRU International. Mereka bercinta selama dua tahun. Majlis perkahwinan diadakan secara sederhana. Mereka berbulan madu seminggu di New Zealand. Shireen ialah sepupu kepada Milia iaitu isteri Edry dan adik ipar Norman. Norman dan Shireen mula berkenalan di majlis pernikahan Edry-Milia 11 tahun yang lalu. Ini merupakan perkahwinan pertama Norman, namun yang ketiga bagi Shireen. Dia masih belum mempunyai anak dari dua-dua perkahwinan sebelumnya. Turut hadir di majlis perkahwinan mereka ialah Mawi, Ekin, Maya Karin dan Datuk Shake. Semoga kekal bahagia. Selamat pengantin baru.

Source: http://www.artismelayu.net/norman_kahwin.html

Ahhh.. kecewa nya.

Aku ingatkan dia janji nak kahwin sama aku.

Kecewa.

Hati pecah dua.

Of Tortilla Wrap and Tyra Banks

I'm loving my new lifestyle. The one that I abide to my alarm clocks. It never work before. But nowadays I can find myself reaching out to the alarm and shut it off, take few turns in my lovely duvet and opened my eyes slowly. Especialy time sahur. No one has to kejut me anymore.


I am used to wake up at 4.30ish for my sahur. Hang awhile before Subuh prayers around 5.15ish and only then slowly drifted back to dreamland or just watch stuff on laptop until next agenda on the list.

At 4.30am, TV2 provides Trya Shows. Which is not my favourite thing in the world, but cool enough. As I munch my food, I just nod along with whatever topic she discuss. Some are interesting and some are just lauhing materials to accompany me eating.

Interestingly today, as I flick my TV on, Tyra shows just ended (at 4.28ish). I thought maybe Tyra Show is back to back. To my surprise, it is NOT!

4.30am today, TV2 shows some bible theme story. I was furious. Haish. Bosan betol.

I just listen to this guy preaching about the fifth or was it sixth commandment : Respect your parents. Nasib baikla tajuknya menarik. I just watch here and there. It discusses about the length of how and why you should respect your parents, nothing that I don't know.

Luckily, my sahur meal was delicious. Tortilla wrap. A bit cold as it was prepared around 9.00pm last night. With hot hot nescafe. I got the perfect meal while I continue flicking the channel to find more cool stuff to watch.




I decided to blog to avoid from sleeping before Subuh. Which I succeded. Baru je azan Subuh. YES!

Off to my prayer.

Merdeka Malaysia Merdeka

I know it's kinda late to wish Selamat Hari Merdeka. Urm, do people wish others for this celebration? Seems awkward. Anyhow, I just wanna say this year celebration is just boring as last year since I live abroad.

I am proud though. From afar.

Being Malaysian, we are accustomed to our own ways and etiquettes and manners and courtesy. Just today as I was hanging out with my workmates, they were saying that Asian students, if kept in a class for 7 hours, they would not make much noise and study obediently as compared to Islanders that need to move about noisily every ten minutes (True, according to own experience. With limitation of course).

We Malaysians have unwritten sets of rules that we follow. Not because we are losers with no life that only like to follow but never lead, but it just how we have been brought up, or I can proudly say, I have been brought up. Just some simple expectations on how to react.

I mean, it's common courtesy, if you are absolutely late, sms first to not let the others know. If you are going to someone's house, bring food. If you already RSVP, do come. If it is required of you to attend, show your face. If you feel others might be worried about you, let them know you are alright. If you don't know, ask around. And others.

These simple things that would make many other peoples life easier. Much much easier. It is just to show that we do consider other people feelings. And Malaysians are famous for this. This simple stuff reflect who we really are and how we are brought up. (Mahu tak mahu, akan kena tempias kepada ibu bapa kita juga).

Selamat Hari Merdeka.

please be considerate to others

p/s: Aku tak tahu apa tema merdeka tahun ini.

Selamat Hari Lahir Adik Lelaki ku

Namanya ialah Ahmad Syahmi.

Dia berumur 18 tahun tahun ini.
Dia lahir pada 3 September.
Sekarang menuntut di Kolej Mara Banting.
Cita- cita nak jadi doktor.
Idolanya adalah Dr Gregory House.
Tahun lepas dapat hadiah sweater dari kakak.
Tahun ni dpt kiriman sms cukup lah kan?

Ami & Arif bergaya makan aiskrim Movenpick

Ini kami ketika summer di Auckland Domain.

Walaupun kami selalu bergaduh semasa kecik2, kami tetap sayangkan antara satu sama lain. Aku dapati semakin mature umur adik2 aku, semakin jiwang mereka menjadi. Tapi tak kisahah, kerana mereka tetap sayang padaku~


Ucapan untuk si dia.


Dear Ami,

Semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki.
Ceria-ceria selalu.
Jangan dipikirkan tentang yg lepas.
Bunga bukan sekuntum.
Belajar rajin2.
Mintak2 la dapat fly tempat2 yg menarik, boleh kakak dtg melawat (atau honeymoon di sana).
Jaga diri elok2.
Sembahyang jgn tinggal.

Happy Belated Birthday

Kakak.



p/s: Maaf la lambat post.

It's a curse I never wish on my enemy

Been watching re-run of Gossip Girls.
Just occupying time.

Really love Dorota's character.
She is so cute.
I laughed everytime

After Blair mentioned about Chuck and their bet

Watak yang tetap maintain




Cun kan?

Selamat Hari Raya everyone

The other day our Cohort 4 had a photo shoot day where everyone is supposed to dress their best. This is something for the farewell dinner stuff and Salam Perantauan or something like that. Our very own completed version of Cohort 4 in a picture.

That day, I was feeling a bit emotional.

It got to do with the weather. It was raining and we didn't get the chance to snap photos at Albert Park (which has splendid view now that it is spring). We had to settle at somewhere indoor. At least Old Government House has superb surrounding. I do prefer outdoor shoot though. Just not our luck.

Then a certain someone that was supposed to not be happy was laughing the heart out. See, me being emotional. That person is not supposed to be happy that day. Why was there laughter? I was crazy as well as emotional.

Then, it got to do with everyone wearing purple. I was wearing purple too. And it did not make me feel special with other purple surrounding me. It was just coincidence and I am not mad at anyone in particular. Just it adds up to me feeling a bit emotional. Why oh why I wore purple that day?

Now that I am in that state of emotional, I snapped easily. One tiny silly question made my heart skip a beat. One person as much as disturbed my view, my hand flinched. I smiled on the outside of course.


I can be like that sometime.

Just not my day~


*
emotional here means mad. not sad.

Guru Malaysia serba boleh

boleh berkoir


boleh berlakon
Drama bersiri : Cinta di sebalik Pohon Rumbia

boleh bermodel


boleh berdansa


boleh blah
haha

Selamat Berpuasa

Loving Spring Season

I am currently in love with the Big Bang Theory series.
Definitely made my nyte.

Oh, on that note, bye bye Barney.

p/s: I think their theme song is unique.

my determination and my excuses

I have been meaning to wear 'anak tudung' for some time now. I guess the my determination suits well with the Ramadhan this year. My personal goal is by the end of Ramadhan, I'll get use to wearing 'anak tudung' underneath my scarf and stick by it.

I am not much of 'anak tudung' person (Is there such thing as 'anak tudung' person?). In Malaysia, I find it quite warm to wear it, which is just an excuse, I know. I did not wear it even when I was in school which supposedly to be a requirement. I got away with it just fine. And, I got used not to wearing it.

Abroad, I just got myself to control myself (not a good thing). It didn't do me any good since sometimes I found myself even without scarf. Came the new year, I find myself quite determine wearing the scarf (I do slip sometimes, but not as much as last year).

Lucky for me, my mom left a few of her 'anak tudung' (three to be exact) behind when she visited during the summer. Since, I never owned 'anak tudung' before, this is a great oppurtunity to start trying to wear 'anak tudung'.

Which I tried a few times before Ramadhan.

It does not go well with me. The purpose of not showing my strands of hair does not go to well by wearing 'anak tudung'. My hair somehow manage to find ways getting free and showing themselves.

It is also not comfy wearing 'anak tudung' after many years not wearing it. That is even before Ramadhan.

During Ramadhan, I stick with not wearing 'anak tudung', to a point which I am not certain yet until when.

p/s: This strand of hair keep coming out due to my current hair style.

* *
On the same note:

Last week, when I visited school, one Philippines student ask me about my scarf, and I just simply said, to cover my hair from men seeing them. I did not feel like going into details about religion and requirement and all with him being in immersion class and me not confident enough explaining it all in English.

He, then, pointing to all my hair visible despite my head scarf and said, "I can see your hair. There. There."

That hurt. Like hell.

In my defence, it was almost last period and I had assignment due that evening and I did not sleep well two nights in a row before and I was a mess all over.

Though, deep down I know there are all excuses.